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hospital
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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hospital |
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shell-grunge Junior Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 17 |
hi everyone on the board. heres my impression of hospital. alot of spelling mistakes but i tried to keep it all basic. maybe it needs quite a clean up. i just want to see how te basic core of the piece stands in your eyes. please reply. (oh and this one actually rymes!) i mulched the living sparrow, and here i am again. joints in emacitation, confinment remains. on haunches i check my reflection lurking from curious aliens flashing outside the glass. close the blinds, i lie in the peace, performing insufficiant sit-ups unsparse. allegal wanders sends up my beat i vie to scream the fest. emotional demons must be pocketed, until the end of this quest. the self created reins, they've stolen in my reprimand. the protocol entails to norish, and that i must learn to stand. the pensive strokes document moves, my creativitie this will quell. they're trying to revive me, but is it all up to shell? thanx continue your work every1! i have been busy, sorry i havn't posted or repied for a bit, i'll try to be a bit more involved. yhour all unreal. shell [This message has been edited by shell-grunge (edited 01-04-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 shell-grunge - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
It seems hospitals don't apeal to you much. Me either. I think this is a great foundation, but you are right about cleaning it up some.  JOY |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I agree...this is a good base in which to start. It does need cleaning up, there are places where the spelling mistakes as well as gramarical mistakes, throw the reader completely off. I am looking forward to seeing the edited version of this piece. |
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