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Whats Happening
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Whats Happening |
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Dean Member
since 1999-11-23
Posts 120Canada |
Nessie you know who I am You know i'm not super man. Whats up with you lady you be acting crazy. I wanna know whats going on is it ture me and you have a bond? I want you know I would do anything for you cause you know i'm true. If you don't like me or despise me tell me please don't lie to me. Ness I thought we were tight like a kite flying through the night. If something is ****ing with your head tell me before you go to bed. I'm here to listien and to care cause you know i'm a warm fuzzy teddy bear. Right now I feel like **** feel like taking the dip. ****s wack but remember I always be true and ah girl I'll never forget you. "Live to love or why live at all" Deano :) |
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| © Copyright 2000 James Dean - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Good work! I'd like to remind you though that using astericks in place of swear words is highly discouraged. Your poem can be just as good without that kind of language!  *Krista Knutson* ~*Like a lion, without fear of the howling pack, Like a gust of wind, ne'er trapped in a snare, Like a lotus blossom, ne'er sprinkled by water, Let me, like a unicorn, in solitude roam.*~ Hymn Of Buddha |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
I agree. The language did take way from the poem. The beginning was great but towards the end, when the obscenities came in, I lost track of what I was reading. Other then that change the words and the writing would be great. |
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