any suggestions?? - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

destiny502
Member

since 1999-11-23

Posts 57
OH

0 posted 1999-12-16 07:05 PM

my heart is aching and i dont know why,
you say dont be sad so i guess i'll try.
i dont know how to tell you
the feelings just wont go away
i hope that we can meet
and hold each other someday.
this poem isnt great
but i just wanted you to know
how much i really love you
and dont want you to go.

this isnt an amazing poem..and i just wrote it without thinking or anything because i was sad and its pretty much how i feel. its short, and i know i could say more. maybe i'll write more later. but it was written for this guy ive been talking to on the internet and i wrote this while i was talking to him. he doesnt know it of course. but it made me feel a little better after writing this. i dont know what to do for the title..i'll take suggestions if anybody wants to give them..and i'll take suggestions on how to make this a better poem. i love poetry, im just not very good at writing it. but thanks to all who give their comments.

Always,
H.Nicole.H

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

1 posted 1999-12-16 07:56 PM

Well, Nicole, that's why we write--to express the way we feel! I liked the way this poem just said straight out how you felt. You could call it "Just to Tell You" or something, but that doesn't sound too great. I'll have to do some more thinking. Well written.

Elizabeth

Nail to the mast her holy flag,
Set every threadbare sail-
And give her to the god of storms,
The lightning and the gale!
-Oliver Wendell Holmes

starboards
Member

since 1999-10-14

Posts 467
longwood, florida

2 posted 1999-12-17 11:45 AM

I really like this poem, you are great at writing poetry! I would name this poem either "Someday", "So I guess I'll try", or something like that...if these titles sux then "just joking" but i was trying to help you, great poem though!

*************************
"You will see a lot of things,
But they will mean nothing to you
If you lose sight of the thing you love."
-from the movie "At First Site"
*************************

Alwye

Moderator

Member Elite

since 1999-06-16

Posts 3850
In the space between moments

3 posted 1999-12-17 09:35 PM

This is very well done! Keep writing, and it'll get even better! As for a title, read it and read it, and think about how it makes you feel, what you want to say. I first thought of "Heart Aching" or "Just so you Know". Pick something you like and that fits well. Hope to see more, welcome to Passions!

[This message has been edited by Alwye (edited 12-17-1999).]

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.