My One in a Million Star (PLEASE REPLY)

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Erynn Griffin
Junior Member

since 1999-11-20

Posts 27
San Angelo, TX United States

0 posted 1999-11-20 07:38 PM

You are one in a million stars in the sky.
I picked you out on this beautiful glowing night for you are the one with the strongest glowing light.

That is why I love you and I am so proud. I wished upon your star to send me a dream from a cloud

Although it wasn't what I expected a dream to be but then again dreams can be anything.
All this time I had this dream i didn't realize it till this very moment.

My dream is you and you alone. when I found you I was so happy. Now that we are together I feel like I have known you forever.

Wherever we end up whether it be together forever or always apart I want you to know one thing that is sure I LOVE YOU forever...more

Written 10/15
For Cory Estes

Bright Melody
Junior Member

since 1999-11-06

Posts 37
O'Fallon Illinois

1 posted 1999-11-21 07:02 PM

This is a great expression of your feelings. I can relate. If I haven't already said welcome to Passions.

------------------
Never frown because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

Angel
Senior Member

since 1999-07-02

Posts 551
Pennsylvania

2 posted 1999-11-21 08:06 PM

Welcome to Passions! I agree, this is a great piece and I think you could make it even better if you added more to it. It really can grow into something more. Just my opinion. I really like this one no matter what you decide to do with it.

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

3 posted 1999-11-21 11:08 PM

Erynn,
This has much potential, but at the moment reads like a piece of prose.Perhaps something like this, mind you it even still needs work:

You are one in a million
stars in the sky.
I picked you out
on that beautiful, glowing night
for you are the one
with that shone the brightest.

I wished upon your star
to send me a dream.
But, it wasn't what I expected
a dream to be,
then again dreams can be anything.

My dream is you and you alone.
When I found you, I was so happy;
now that we are together,
I feel like I have known you forever.

Wherever we end up,
whether it be together forever
or always apart,
I want you to know one thing
that is sure I LOVE YOU forever...more

shyone
Junior Member

since 2000-01-03

Posts 10

4 posted 2000-01-03 10:19 PM

I loved the poem. I thought it was really sweet. I also agree with the fact that it needs a little bit of work. But either way you look at it, the poem is surely from your heart and that is what makes it great.

Jer
Member

since 1999-12-02

Posts 443
USA

5 posted 2000-01-04 01:03 AM

Great piece of writing, although I do agree with hoot_owl_rn. It dose read like a prose. Make that change and I think it will be perfect. Great expression and it is direct to the point that everyone can relate to it. Keep up the good work.

[This message has been edited by Jer (edited 01-04-2000).]

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