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Teen Poetry #2
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lilo/lilg
New Member
since 1999-11-19
Posts 2
w.p.b/FL/west palm beach

0 posted 1999-11-19 08:28 AM


your like rose...
It makes me want to kiss your toes
Your heart alwayz glows
But till then nobody knows
why your like a rose

Your name rings like a bell
I love the way you smell
My love is swell
Cause I all I want is you as well

My love for you is forever
Believe it or not we will still be together
cause of your loving sole
That’s why you will alwayz be like a rose…


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lilo/lilg

[This message has been edited by lilo/lilg (edited 11-19-1999).]

[This message has been edited by lilo/lilg (edited 11-19-1999).]

© Copyright 1999 lilo/lilg - All Rights Reserved
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
1 posted 1999-11-19 11:16 AM


Welcome to Passions. This piece confused me. I think you were more interested in getting the rhyme in rather then bringing the theme across. I am not sure what a loving nose has to do with the 3rd stanza. I am also confused about what a voice echoing has to do with taking off ones clothes as well as a heart glowing? Please help me with this.

I would also like to point out that this is an interactive board and your replies to others works would be appreciated.

x96kxrkgrl
Junior Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 11
Marion, Ohio, US
2 posted 1999-11-19 03:32 PM


I think that your poem was good, though I was consused in the eigth line. I just didnt sink in I guess. But keep up the good work!

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~Melissa~

Systematic Decay
Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........
3 posted 1999-11-19 08:02 PM


Since the poem has obviously been changed since Marylin replied, I can't comment on the removal of clothes. However......the poem IS very confusing....just a bunch of lines that had absolutely no meter, and they rhymed....this can be described as a haphazard poem at best.

Please don't take these comments personally, I am only critiquing your work, not you as a person.

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Thinking is just what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their predjudices.



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