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Teen Poetry #2
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dont exhale..
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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dont exhale.. |
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Star Fairy 2 Member
since 1999-09-06
Posts 260cerritos, california, usa |
i smile cuz i've ran out of tears i laugh cuz i've no voice to scream im brave cuz i've ran away from fears i'm genuine when i act out my scene i'd hug u to let you go i'd dream of u to live my reality i'd kiss u to hold on some more i'd die for u granting immortality i love so i dont die i pray so i dont fail i hope so i dont cry i wait so i dont exhale ------------------ Don't Fall.. Rise in Love -------823------- |
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| © Copyright 1999 Rakhee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JEBE Junior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 32WILMINGTON, NC, USA |
I get three whole diffrent scenerios here...or maybe thats what you were going for...who knows..but i think its good.You start out with alot of pain but end up saying how you overcome issues by concentrating on other things..i think you should add more you know? it wasn't very clear. |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
I agree with JEBE, overall, its nice, but needs someting... ------------------ Thinking is just what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their predjudices. |
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kari Member
since 1999-10-03
Posts 104Hyde Park, Ut, USA |
I really like this poem. The thoughts switch around throughout it but I like it a lot. Nice job! |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I enjoyed this one. I think that the balance is great. You are explaining yourself and what it takes for you to servive. Just MHO...good job. |
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Misty Member
since 1999-08-01
Posts 121USA |
I don't care what anyone else says, I like this poem, it had emotion and a neat way to express the emotion! i LOVED IT! |
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Star Fairy 2 Member
since 1999-09-06
Posts 260cerritos, california, usa |
wow!! thanx guys... i appreciate all your comments... just a lil of what i'm feeling right now.. i couldnt think of anymore "opposites" to describe what i was feelin' so i ended it right there... ------------------ Don't Fall.. Rise in Love -------823------- |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
The rhyme wasn't perfect, but you had some great original lines in this one. It's nice to see something new for a change, I really liked it! |
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