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Poetic Dreams
Junior Member
since 1999-10-23
Posts 23
Lindsa, OKlahoma United States

0 posted 1999-10-25 05:22 PM



This day I have dreamed about for many months
Is the day you say "I do"
That same day my lfe is renewed.
I still remember that summer
I'm telling you it tops the scale
The rest are all bummers
I can't believe hes mine
He is just too fine.
I have often thought about the man of my dreams
Then all of the sudden there he is
Walking up the street
The moment we were introduced
My heart felt so suduced
I have to have him
He had to be mine
As we talked and got to know each other
Inside we knew what we wanted from one another
Ever second of each new day
I thank the Lord for the creation he has made
We are ment for one another
I can feel it inside
Its like no other
Everrytime I look in his eyes
I see them shimmer
For I know our love will never dimmer

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~Once it is said it can't be forgotten, but can always be forgiven~


[This message has been edited by Poetic Dreams (edited 10-27-1999).]

© Copyright 1999 Poetic Dreams - All Rights Reserved
starboards
Member
since 1999-10-14
Posts 467
longwood, florida
1 posted 1999-10-26 11:27 PM


I liked this poem but i think it would be better if you tryed to rhyme w/more words that seemed to flow together...dont get me wrong...it was an excellent poem...infact, it was the best "happy" poem i have actually read...good job!

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"If you love something let it go...if it comes back to you it is yours...if it doesnt then it never was"

StratMatt
Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 87
Macomb, IL, U.S.A.
2 posted 1999-10-27 01:34 AM


Hmm... I really didn't care too much for this poem honestly.
The rhyme scheme was erratically changing, and the rhythm was non-existant.
Also, one thing that's really not all that important but still bothered me was the immense amount of typing errors. Some of them almost worked their way into the poem and really confused me. Lastly, the last line:
"For I know our love will never dimmer"
Dimmer is not a verb, it's a comparative adjective and doesn't make sense here. To better understand what I mean, put darker in there, a synonym to dimmer. Then the line would say "For I know our love will never darker" which of course doesn't make any sense, really, although I'm sure it could be interpretted to mean kind of the same thing you want it to.




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"I went into the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front the essential facts of life, and to see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I never lived." -Henry David Thoreau
"All comedians want to be rock stars, because they're cool. They always look like they're about to vomit." -Dana Carvey

Poetic Dreams
Junior Member
since 1999-10-23
Posts 23
Lindsa, OKlahoma United States
3 posted 1999-10-27 01:38 PM


First of all thanx for replying and ruining my chances of getting togethor with this person, Matt. I know I had errors and I fixed them AND I ALSO KNOW that dimmer is not a word. I am not stupid. You didn't have to be so rude.

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~Once it is said it can't be forgotten, but can always be forgiven~

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