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Passions in Poetry

Need a title for this here sonnet, pleeze!

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Skyfyre
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since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


0 posted 11-08-1999 10:28 PM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Skyfyre

The sun dips lower in the frozen sky,
Nigh impotent 'gainst all-pervading gray --
For naught but frigid light does she supply,
On this most shadowed spectre of a day.
We watch her path, as though 'twould evening stay,
A mist of frosted breath about our heads;
The crunch of steps, and hiss of sliding sleigh
The only sounds in fields of silent dead.
The sun descends in veils of gold and red,
As though she bled her life into the clouds --
She gilds the snows until her soul has fled --
And twilight's blue becomes her funeral shroud.

Through mounting dark, and Winter's icy sting,
We hurry home to dreams of verdant Spring.


------------------
"Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus"
(Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.")


[This message has been edited by Nochtdraco (edited 11-08-1999).]

[This message has been edited by Nochtdraco (edited 11-08-1999).]
© Copyright 1999 Linda Anderson - All Rights Reserved
Denise
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since 08-22-99
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1 posted 11-08-1999 11:02 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

This is beautiful, Nocht! A title? Hmmmmm...how about Dreams of Spring? (?)
or Verdant Spring (?) or Dreams of Verdant Spring (?) WHY IS THIS SO HARD?!!!!

Maybe it's just me but I tripped over the line with heav'ns in it. It would flow more smoothly to me if it were a one syllable word like sky, but then I don't know if you'd want to use that again (?)

Again, very beautiful! I wish I could write a sonnet

------------------
Denise

Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


2 posted 11-08-1999 11:23 PM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

Hmmm -- "Frozen Moment," maybe?

I enjoyed the read -- perhaps you'll be kind enough to give me your opinion on mine, in the workshop?

--Kess

------------------
You cannot choose the way of your death, but the path you choose will determine its own end.

Mike
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since 06-19-99
Posts 2528


3 posted 11-08-1999 11:43 PM       View Profile for Mike   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mike

Don't know about the title... enjoyed the sonnet though...
Skyfyre
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since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


4 posted 11-08-1999 11:50 PM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

Indeed, Denise, "heav'ns is an awkward word, existing on brink between one and two syllables as it does. However, you correctly perceived my reluctance to repeat "sky" in its place; though I did consider it.

I will think on it, and perhaps make the change after all. Thank you for the suggestion!

Nocht
Mike
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since 06-19-99
Posts 2528


5 posted 11-08-1999 11:54 PM       View Profile for Mike   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mike

My two cents worth which is about what it is worth... but what about night instead of heav'ns or skies..
see you have already substituted snow..
disregard.. smile..

[This message has been edited by Mike (edited 11-08-1999).]
For_Never
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since 10-27-1999
Posts 125
Cincinnati, oh, United States


6 posted 11-09-1999 12:04 AM       View Profile for For_Never   Email For_Never   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for For_Never

First I would like to say, I like your handle, Night Dragon ..., and as to the sonnet...it left chilled, and cursing...I loved it..

now, as for a title...

how about..
Am Gutten Mortis,(The best of Deaths)

[This message has been edited by For_Never (edited 11-09-1999).]
Skyfyre
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since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


7 posted 11-09-1999 12:09 AM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

Mike, thank you again!

For_never ... what an intriguing title! I shall keep it under consideration ... thank you!

Nocht

[This message has been edited by Nochtdraco (edited 11-09-1999).]
Michael
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since 08-13-99
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8 posted 11-09-1999 12:10 AM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

First of all let me say I loved the imagery of this poem. Titles that come to mind would be "Twilight" or "Awaiting Dawn".

michael
Watcher666
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since 10-13-1999
Posts 1630


9 posted 11-09-1999 01:32 PM       View Profile for Watcher666   Email Watcher666   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Watcher666's Home Page   View IP for Watcher666

Lovely!!

------------------
Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.
Denise
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since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


10 posted 11-09-1999 10:18 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Oh, so beautiful! I like the change!

------------------
Denise

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