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Need a title for this here sonnet, pleeze!
| Open Poetry #3 |
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Need a title for this here sonnet, pleeze! |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap 
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The sun dips lower in the frozen sky, Nigh impotent 'gainst all-pervading gray -- For naught but frigid light does she supply, On this most shadowed spectre of a day. We watch her path, as though 'twould evening stay, A mist of frosted breath about our heads; The crunch of steps, and hiss of sliding sleigh The only sounds in fields of silent dead. The sun descends in veils of gold and red, As though she bled her life into the clouds -- She gilds the snows until her soul has fled -- And twilight's blue becomes her funeral shroud. Through mounting dark, and Winter's icy sting, We hurry home to dreams of verdant Spring. ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") [This message has been edited by Nochtdraco (edited 11-08-1999).] [This message has been edited by Nochtdraco (edited 11-08-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Linda Anderson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
This is beautiful, Nocht! A title? Hmmmmm...how about Dreams of Spring? (?) or Verdant Spring (?) or Dreams of Verdant Spring (?) WHY IS THIS SO HARD?!!!! Maybe it's just me but I tripped over the line with heav'ns in it. It would flow more smoothly to me if it were a one syllable word like sky, but then I don't know if you'd want to use that again (?) Again, very beautiful! I wish I could write a sonnet  ------------------ Denise |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Hmmm -- "Frozen Moment," maybe? I enjoyed the read -- perhaps you'll be kind enough to give me your opinion on mine, in the workshop?  --Kess ------------------ You cannot choose the way of your death, but the path you choose will determine its own end. |
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Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
Don't know about the title... enjoyed the sonnet though... |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Indeed, Denise, "heav'ns is an awkward word, existing on brink between one and two syllables as it does. However, you correctly perceived my reluctance to repeat "sky" in its place; though I did consider it. I will think on it, and perhaps make the change after all. Thank you for the suggestion! Nocht |
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Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
My two cents worth which is about what it is worth... but what about night instead of heav'ns or skies.. see you have already substituted snow.. disregard.. smile.. [This message has been edited by Mike (edited 11-08-1999).] |
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For_Never Member
since 1999-10-27
Posts 125Cincinnati, oh, United States of America |
First I would like to say, I like your handle, Night Dragon ..., and as to the sonnet...it left chilled, and cursing...I loved it.. now, as for a title... how about.. Am Gutten Mortis,(The best of Deaths) [This message has been edited by For_Never (edited 11-09-1999).] |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Mike, thank you again! For_never ... what an intriguing title! I shall keep it under consideration ... thank you! Nocht [This message has been edited by Nochtdraco (edited 11-09-1999).] |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
First of all let me say I loved the imagery of this poem. Titles that come to mind would be "Twilight" or "Awaiting Dawn". michael |
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Watcher666 Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606 |
Lovely!! ------------------ Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Oh, so beautiful! I like the change! ------------------ Denise |
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