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Passions in Poetry

i can never create a title

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Jennifer Marie O'Neil
Junior Member
since 11-01-1999
Posts 48
port charlotte fl/bklyn ny


0 posted 11-03-1999 02:58 AM       View Profile for Jennifer Marie O'Neil   Email Jennifer Marie O'Neil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jennifer Marie O'Neil


void little heart
scared lonley soul
how do you fill it
where did it go
empty boxes token
lost words never spoken
you left me behind
love is never so kind
lust leads us
lust betrays us
love simply delays us
© Copyright 1999 Jennifer Marie O'Neil - All Rights Reserved
Lucie
Senior Member
since 06-20-99
Posts 1123
Houston


1 posted 11-03-1999 08:34 AM       View Profile for Lucie   Email Lucie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lucie

This poem has potential. Can I suggest some editing and some punctuation. It would make the reading easier and give a more pleasant presentation. If you need help or suggestion let me know.
Watcher666
Senior Member
since 10-13-1999
Posts 1630


2 posted 11-03-1999 11:38 AM       View Profile for Watcher666   Email Watcher666   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Watcher666's Home Page   View IP for Watcher666

I like it like it is.Says so much here.

------------------
Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.
Jennifer Marie O'Neil
Junior Member
since 11-01-1999
Posts 48
port charlotte fl/bklyn ny


3 posted 11-03-1999 04:25 PM       View Profile for Jennifer Marie O'Neil   Email Jennifer Marie O'Neil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jennifer Marie O'Neil

I have never been good with punctuation. I am also not good at editing. I usually just write it out and dont change it much after. I am sure my poetry could be better if i edited more but then I write about how I feel and you cant edit feelings. Maybe i am not much of a poet but that is how i write. Sometimes I will change it and i am sure it turns out more pleasing to read.
STil any input or suggestion is greatly appreciated




Isis
Member Ascendant
since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


4 posted 11-03-1999 05:54 PM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

I liked it too Jennifer. As for creating a title - choose the line that really means the most for you and within that line, there is usually a title eg. 'Love is never so kind' or 'Lust Betrays Us' Just trying to help, please don't take it the wrong way

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Through poetry my heart and soul truly sing...
~Isis~
(Daughter of Mystery)

Lynn
Member
since 09-20-1999
Posts 321
Jasper, Alabama U.S.A.


5 posted 11-03-1999 06:02 PM       View Profile for Lynn   Email Lynn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lynn


Jennifer....I enjoyed this. I agree with you statement about the feelings, and not good at editing. I'm the same way.
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


6 posted 11-03-1999 07:28 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Jennifer,
It's hard to write a poem with so few words that means so much. Good job.
Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 11-02-1999
Posts 752
Torrington, Ct, Usa


7 posted 11-03-1999 07:31 PM       View Profile for Kevin   Email Kevin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kevin

lust leads us
lust betrays us
love simply delays us

sweetness
Jennifer Marie O'Neil
Junior Member
since 11-01-1999
Posts 48
port charlotte fl/bklyn ny


8 posted 11-03-1999 10:01 PM       View Profile for Jennifer Marie O'Neil   Email Jennifer Marie O'Neil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jennifer Marie O'Neil

thank you all for taking the time to read my poem !
that was a nice idea for titles thank you
RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


9 posted 11-04-1999 09:45 AM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

Heartfelt..

HUGS

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You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

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