How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #3 Archive
 One night stand"-- othe suggestions welc
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

One night stand"-- othe suggestions welcomed!

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Master
Senior Member
since 08-18-99
Posts 1880
Boston, MA


0 posted 10-31-1999 03:31 PM       View Profile for Master   Email Master   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Master's Home Page   View IP for Master

The night walked straight into my house
Took off her skin under the light
Upon the chair, she placed her blouse
Jumped into bed, right by my side
And there in silence, sparks ignited
We burned in passionís warm embrace
And in our bodies, cells collided
And in our minds, thoughts were laced
So sudden, almost on a whim
We fell in love, so wild, peeling
Fulfilled with pleasure to the brim
We lied in bed, eyes on the ceiling
And on the desk, the candle flickered
In a seductive, tempting breeze
It slowly melted and disfigured
Upon the plate, its wax would freeze
Its shadows danced, but light was fading
Outside, through creaking of the frost
I barely heard the winds debating
I closed my eyes and all was lost
Woke up alone, half in dismay
I found a note, which read in grieving
ďIím sorry Love, I couldnít stay
Iíll make it up to you this eveningĒ
© Copyright 1999 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved
U K Hero
Member
since 08-08-99
Posts 271
England


1 posted 10-31-1999 06:28 PM       View Profile for U K Hero   Email U K Hero   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for U K Hero

I read all your poems and this has feeling so, TTTUG
Elizabeth
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-07-99
Posts 7296
America the beautiful


2 posted 10-31-1999 06:32 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

What on Earth do you need suggestions for, Master? This poem certainly does not need any poetic improvement! The only thing I would suggest you change is is "lied" to "lay" in the 12th line. An unusual story to tell-I enjoyed it.

------------------
*Elizabeth*

"Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low,
But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..."

"Something sweet, something sort of grandish, sweeps my soul when thou art near..."

Justina
Junior Member
since 10-31-1999
Posts 27
Kansas City. MO


3 posted 10-31-1999 07:05 PM       View Profile for Justina   Email Justina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Justina

I got those exciting butterflies! If only they all happened that way! I loved it!
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


4 posted 10-31-1999 07:15 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

This was a wonderful poem, I wouldn't change a thing!
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


5 posted 10-31-1999 08:23 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Very well done Master...possibly clothes instead of skin in line two though.
Master
Senior Member
since 08-18-99
Posts 1880
Boston, MA


6 posted 10-31-1999 09:38 PM       View Profile for Master   Email Master   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Master's Home Page   View IP for Master

Thanks everyone, I meant suggestions for the title, but the ones you gave me were very useful. Thanks again.
Watcher666
Senior Member
since 10-13-1999
Posts 1630


7 posted 11-02-1999 04:04 PM       View Profile for Watcher666   Email Watcher666   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Watcher666's Home Page   View IP for Watcher666

Well done..liked this much!

------------------
Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.
Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 11-02-1999
Posts 752
Torrington, Ct, Usa


8 posted 11-02-1999 04:08 PM       View Profile for Kevin   Email Kevin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kevin

admitedly, i rarely get into other peoples work, i dont know why, but this was excellent, simply awesome man!
Master
Senior Member
since 08-18-99
Posts 1880
Boston, MA


9 posted 11-02-1999 05:31 PM       View Profile for Master   Email Master   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Master's Home Page   View IP for Master

Thanks Watcher and Kevin. Glad you liked it.
Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
10 posted 11-02-1999 05:55 PM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

A unique piece with great imagery....
Liked this much Master!

------------------
A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extrordinaire!
redwriter1
Member
since 07-22-99
Posts 476
Franklin, TN


11 posted 11-02-1999 06:20 PM       View Profile for redwriter1   Email redwriter1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for redwriter1

Night Lover? (nicely done by the way, the first line really drew me in)
Master
Senior Member
since 08-18-99
Posts 1880
Boston, MA


12 posted 11-02-1999 09:48 PM       View Profile for Master   Email Master   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Master's Home Page   View IP for Master

The first line...huh... I have never found anything special in it.
 
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #3 >> One night stand"-- othe suggestions welc Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors