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Open Poetry #3
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Our Seasons
| Open Poetry #3 |
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Our Seasons |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648
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(I played around with the rhyme on this one a little...I felt 'playful!) ...I daydream in my mind sometimes... I remember how life used to be When we were young and so carefree Oh, how we laughed in those bygone-times. Oh, we'd sift for hours in the sand Then we'd splash amidst the ocean spray With our fast friend...Naivete' Oh, weren't those days so very grand? And when the autumn leaves would fall Oh, we'd swoop 'em up 'n' swoosh 'em all Or roll and wriggle through their piles Ah, yes, those times, they bring such smiles. And in that wintry time of year When snowflakes fell - so minuscule We'd breathe a prayer to God most dear "Oh, please give us lots 'n' please close school!" And when the springtime came at last With blooming flowers and blue jays near We'd run 'n' romp and then we asked "Gee, Mom - won't summer ever get here?" I remember how life used to be When we were young and so carefree And how we laughed in those bygone-times ...I daydream in my mind sometimes... For my sisters, Sharon and Donna and for my brother, Frank ------------------ Denise |
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| © Copyright 1999 Denise - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Very nicely done, Denise, and you certainly did move around with the rhyme schemes but in such a smooth way it took nothing away from the final product. I like it. |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Denise what memories return. Thank you, such a warm smile you brought to my face. I agree with Bal buddy up there, it sure didn't take away from it! |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
Neat one Denise...I will post one as an answer to this one OK?? ------------------ if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Thank you, Balladeer, WhtDove and Robert! I'm glad you all liked it! I wasn't sure if it was poetically acceptable or not! O.K. Robert, I'll look for it! ------------------ Denise [This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 10-30-1999).] |
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Julie Senior Member
since 1999-08-20
Posts 739Houston, TX |
This poem made me feel so good...what sweet dreams...and I agree...you're playfulness did no harm to the poem...it flowed perfectly. ------------------ Julie ------------------------- Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it, you will land among the stars.~Les Brown~ |
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deleeme Senior Member
since 1999-10-09
Posts 1766NEW ENGLAND, USA |
Denise, I enjoyed this poem with is well captured sense of youthful innocence and impatient exhuberance. The unusual rhyme scheme changes somehow( nicely so) fit in with the theme of Seasonal changes--nothing stays the same for very long. Good work here! ------------------ "Our Creativity points to a Higher Creator--we couldn't have just happened, and for what ability we may possess--to God be the glory." -dlw- |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
What beautiful memories. I like the interesting scheme you used  |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Thanks you guys, I'm glad you liked it! It was one of the first poems I wrote and I know it's far from perfect, but I was trying to capture that feeling of changing times with the changing rhyme scheme. Thanks for reading and commenting everybody! ------------------ Denise |
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Verma Member
since 1999-10-25
Posts 80Midlands, England |
Well written poem 'D' - i liked it a lot. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Thank you, Verma, I'm glad that you liked it! ------------------ Denise |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Enjoyed this very much Denise. Playful is good, like the memories. |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
How beautiful! I had almost forgotten how fascinating it was to be a child -- thank you for reminding me! --Kess ------------------ You cannot choose the way of your death, but the path you choose will determine its own end. |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Denise - did you grow up near the ocean? I did and your poetry makes me nostalgic for those days of sand and sun, no worries... Lovely poem. Corinne |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Beauitful memories and tribute to days gone by Denise. I loved it ------------------ Cast your eyes on the ocean, Every man goes down to his death bearing in his hands only that which he has given away... ~Isis~ (Daughter of Mystery) |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Youth is captured so well in this poem, Denise, and the rhyme seems to fit it too! ------------------ *Elizabeth* "Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low, But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..." "Something sweet, something sort of grandish, sweeps my soul when thou art near..." |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Martie, Marlene, Skyfyre, Corinne and Isis, thank you so much for your read and comments! As always, it is appreciated! Corinne-I live in Philadelphia which is about 90 miles or so from Cape May, NJ. Our summers were spent there as children. I don't get there as often as I would like now but when I can I do. It's about a 2 hour drive from here. It's well worth the trip. ------------------ Denise |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Thank you so much Elizabeth, I'm glad you liked it! I'm glad to see you posting again also. Missed ya! ------------------ Denise |
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Watcher666 Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606 |
Got me remembering those days! Well done! ------------------ Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Thanks, Watcher, I'm glad I helped to bring back memories! ------------------ Denise |
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Patrick B Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 58uk |
you should play around with the rhyme more Denise,I loved it |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
I like this a lot.  |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Thank you Patrick and Vandana! I'm glad you liked it! Sorry for the delay in thanking you...I just now saw this. Denise |
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