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Open Poetry #3
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One "Poor" Child
| Open Poetry #3 |
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One "Poor" Child |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA 
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(Okay, I wrote this last night on break...it doesn't flow as smoothly in some spots as I'd like it too, but frankly at 4AM it's a wonder anything flows...anyway, any suggestions will be greatly appreciated) One “Poor” Child On the north side of town, a shot rings out A body lies prone on the ground He’s barely fourteen, in that ghetto street Nearly dead as he lays where he’s found In a blaze of lights he travels All the way to the ER room Where doctors sigh and parents cry And fate has sealed his doom On the south side of town, a call goes out To a man who is waiting there He lives his life hooked to a machine Now the kidney he need's finally here “Hurry now, there’s no time to waste” Says the voice on the phone in his hand He packs his bag and climbs in his Jag And thinks to himself, “Ain’t life grand” At the hospital door they are waiting To greet him and rush him inside A new lease on life, at age forty-six Recieved because another has died They pass through the hall by the ER He looks in only to see A family in tears at the loss of a child And he thinks, “I’m glad that’s not me” He looks down his nose at the father The brother, the sister, the wife How could he know, the child that has died Is the one that gives him his life “I’ll never be poor in my life like them” He says to himself with pride But tonight he and ten others live Just because one “poor” child died ------------------ This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends. ~Eurpides [This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 10-30-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Ruth Kephart - All Rights Reserved | |||
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Hoot: It may have been 4am when you wrote but it sent chills down me and it reminded me to check my donor card..  Well done HUGS ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
Most poigniant Hoot....excellent read! ------------------ A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extrordinaire! |
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Verma Member
since 1999-10-25
Posts 80Midlands, England |
Hoot, I thought this was brilliant and I wouldn't change a thing....but i'm new to all of this so take my words lightly. Thanx for the read |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
This is so packed full of hope as well as pain. A wonderful poem Hoot! |
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tori Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 520Mechanicsville, Maryland, USA |
Hoot..... I read this with out taking a breath.. good job.. When the day comes ..if the day comes, I receive a new Kidney /Pancreas transplant I will live out what's left of my life with gratitude, knowing my pain and suffering never reached a tally mark on any scale to those who have given, or for those that have lost, it shames me to think its counted with attitude and not received with blessing |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
wonderful!!.. (only word I would look at changing is verse 4 the word "got".) But the story is great!.. Thank you for posting it ------------------ Kay-lynn **A dream is a wish your heart makes :) |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Hoot- Umm...AWESOME! A powerful message wrought well in the lines of a poem! I have to agree with redwriter that the only "problem" is "got." Perhaps if you changed it to recieved, or somthing like that... Other than that, it's quite tight. The story readds as it should progressively and ends with a powerful punch! |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Wow, Ruth, this one is geat, I personally think it flows very well. I loved the message behind it. ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Very powerful piece Hoot! Something that I don't normally think about. I'm sure in your profession you see much in life that is unjust. ------------------ Denise |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Lady Hoot: As the saying goes "Life ain't fair." but it sure would be nice if we all got to play by the same rules. I liked the message and didn't really look at the mechanics critically. I took it at face value and enjoyed it as such. Thanks for making us think. Be well my friend. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Christopher and redwriter, thanks for the advice, corrected it Everyone, thank you for your comments on this...I'm glad everyone saw it for what it was |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
You never cease to amaze me with these pearls of wisdom that you so generously bestow. Thank you. --Kess ------------------ You cannot choose the way of your death, but the path you choose will determine its own end. |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Hoot wonderful way you put this into words. It is hard to imagine one not accepting this with thanks! A great reminder that one who is less fortunate can make someone else very fortunate! |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Thanks Kess and Whtdove |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
Ruth, I LOVED THIS! What a great reminder not to look down our noses at others, for we never know the losses they have suffered or the sacrifices they have made. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Smiling...you Tara get the message loud and clear....thank you very much |
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caroline Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm |
Most powerful, and well done, hoot...it is excellent ------------------ "Tread softly, for I have spread my dreams under your feet"~~William Butler Yeats |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, Hoot, it's all been said but I need to get my applause in. It is wonderful in many ways and you put it all together and tied it up very nicely. |
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Watcher666 Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606 |
Hoot, I've seen both sides of this.Tragedy into triumph.Awesome writting! ------------------ Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
caroline, balladeer and wathcer....thank you all for your comments watcher...I'm sorry to hear you've been on both sides here. I myself have been on the side of the donor. I donated one of my kidneys to my now ex husband. He was about as grateful as this person...LOL |
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