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Passions in Poetry

One "Poor" Child

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hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


0 posted 10-30-1999 09:53 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

(Okay, I wrote this last night on break...it doesn't flow as smoothly in some spots as I'd like it too, but frankly at 4AM it's a wonder anything flows...anyway, any suggestions will be greatly appreciated)

One “Poor” Child

On the north side of town, a shot rings out
A body lies prone on the ground
He’s barely fourteen, in that ghetto street
Nearly dead as he lays where he’s found

In a blaze of lights he travels
All the way to the ER room
Where doctors sigh and parents cry
And fate has sealed his doom

On the south side of town, a call goes out
To a man who is waiting there
He lives his life hooked to a machine
Now the kidney he need's finally here

“Hurry now, there’s no time to waste”
Says the voice on the phone in his hand
He packs his bag and climbs in his Jag
And thinks to himself, “Ain’t life grand”

At the hospital door they are waiting
To greet him and rush him inside
A new lease on life, at age forty-six
Recieved because another has died

They pass through the hall by the ER
He looks in only to see
A family in tears at the loss of a child
And he thinks, “I’m glad that’s not me”

He looks down his nose at the father
The brother, the sister, the wife
How could he know, the child that has died
Is the one that gives him his life

“I’ll never be poor in my life like them”
He says to himself with pride
But tonight he and ten others live
Just because one “poor” child died

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This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends. ~Eurpides


[This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 10-30-1999).]
© Copyright 1999 Ruth Kephart - All Rights Reserved
RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


2 posted 10-30-1999 11:51 AM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

Hoot: It may have been 4am when you wrote but it sent chills down me and it reminded me to check my donor card..

Well done

HUGS

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

Pepper
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since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

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3 posted 10-30-1999 11:57 AM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

Most poigniant Hoot....excellent read!

------------------
A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extrordinaire!
Verma
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since 10-25-1999
Posts 80
Midlands, England


4 posted 10-30-1999 12:10 PM       View Profile for Verma   Email Verma   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Verma

Hoot, I thought this was brilliant and I wouldn't change a thing....but i'm new to all of this so take my words lightly.

Thanx for the read
Martie
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since 09-21-1999
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5 posted 10-30-1999 12:48 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

This is so packed full of hope as well as pain. A wonderful poem Hoot!
tori
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since 06-18-99
Posts 521
Mechanicsville, Maryland, USA


6 posted 10-30-1999 12:51 PM       View Profile for tori   Email tori   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit tori's Home Page   View IP for tori

Hoot..... I read this with out taking a breath.. good job..
When the day comes ..if the day comes, I receive a new Kidney /Pancreas transplant
I will live out what's left of my life with gratitude, knowing my pain and suffering never reached a tally mark on any scale to those who have given, or for those that have lost, it shames me to think its counted with attitude and not received with blessing
redwriter1
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since 07-22-99
Posts 476
Franklin, TN


7 posted 10-30-1999 12:52 PM       View Profile for redwriter1   Email redwriter1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for redwriter1

wonderful!!.. (only word I would look at changing is verse 4 the word "got".) But the story is great!.. Thank you for posting it

------------------
Kay-lynn
**A dream is a wish your heart makes :)

Christopher
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Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


8 posted 10-30-1999 03:20 PM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

Hoot- Umm...AWESOME! A powerful message wrought well in the lines of a poem! I have to agree with redwriter that the only "problem" is "got." Perhaps if you changed it to recieved, or somthing like that... Other than that, it's quite tight. The story readds as it should progressively and ends with a powerful punch!
Systematic Decay
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since 09-15-99
Posts 1312
That place with padded walls a


9 posted 10-30-1999 04:49 PM       View Profile for Systematic Decay   Email Systematic Decay   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Systematic Decay

Wow, Ruth, this one is geat, I personally think it flows very well. I loved the message behind it.

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"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-
Denise
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since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


10 posted 10-30-1999 06:07 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Very powerful piece Hoot! Something that I don't normally think about. I'm sure in your profession you see much in life that is unjust.

------------------
Denise

Andrew Scott
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since 06-24-99
Posts 2655
Redlands,CA,USA


11 posted 10-30-1999 06:17 PM       View Profile for Andrew Scott   Email Andrew Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Andrew Scott

Lady Hoot: As the saying goes "Life ain't fair." but it sure would be nice if we all got to play by the same rules. I liked the message and didn't really look at the mechanics critically. I took it at face value and enjoyed it as such. Thanks for making us think. Be well my friend.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


12 posted 10-30-1999 06:22 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Christopher and redwriter, thanks for the advice, corrected it

Everyone, thank you for your comments on this...I'm glad everyone saw it for what it was
Skyfyre
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since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


13 posted 10-30-1999 06:29 PM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

You never cease to amaze me with these pearls of wisdom that you so generously bestow. Thank you.

--Kess

------------------
You cannot choose the way of your death, but the path you choose will determine its own end.

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


14 posted 10-30-1999 08:46 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Hoot wonderful way you put this into words. It is hard to imagine one not accepting this with thanks! A great reminder that one who is less fortunate can make someone else very fortunate!
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


15 posted 10-30-1999 09:24 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Thanks Kess and Whtdove
Tara Simms
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since 08-12-99
Posts 1285
Honea Path, SC USA


16 posted 10-30-1999 10:06 PM       View Profile for Tara Simms   Email Tara Simms   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Tara Simms's Home Page   View IP for Tara Simms

Ruth, I LOVED THIS! What a great reminder not to look down our noses at others, for we never know the losses they have suffered or the sacrifices they have made.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


17 posted 10-30-1999 10:09 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Smiling...you Tara get the message loud and clear....thank you very much
caroline
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since 08-16-99
Posts 1251
http://members.xoom.com/bellad


18 posted 10-30-1999 10:13 PM       View Profile for caroline   Email caroline   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for caroline

Most powerful, and well done, hoot...it is excellent

------------------
"Tread softly, for I have spread my dreams under your feet"~~William Butler Yeats

Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


19 posted 10-30-1999 10:38 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Well, Hoot, it's all been said but I need to get my applause in. It is wonderful in many ways and you put it all together and tied it up very nicely.
Watcher666
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since 10-13-1999
Posts 1630


20 posted 11-02-1999 06:07 PM       View Profile for Watcher666   Email Watcher666   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Watcher666's Home Page   View IP for Watcher666

Hoot, I've seen both sides of this.Tragedy into triumph.Awesome writting!

------------------
Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


21 posted 11-02-1999 11:25 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

caroline, balladeer and wathcer....thank you all for your comments
watcher...I'm sorry to hear you've been on both sides here. I myself have been on the side of the donor. I donated one of my kidneys to my now ex husband. He was about as grateful as this person...LOL
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