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Passions in Poetry

The Anticipation

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Rico
Junior Member
since 10-29-1999
Posts 20


0 posted 10-29-1999 01:03 PM       View Profile for Rico   Email Rico   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Rico

The Anticipation

The man sits at a small cafe
Breathing heavy, heart beating strong
Thinking of just what he should say
Wondering what exactly could go wrong

He loves this woman, he knows that well
Whether she feels the same for him,
Or if these words will serve to repel,
Is the reason he's gone out on this limb

She'll walk in, and the heads will turn
She"ll gracefully aproach to take her seat
His stomach is making an audible churn
Life without her is incomplete

He tells her, things won't be the same
Their lives have just been set aflame

© Copyright 1999 Rico - All Rights Reserved
Emmy
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since 06-29-99
Posts 204
KY

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1 posted 10-30-1999 02:55 PM       View Profile for Emmy   Email Emmy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Emmy's Home Page   View IP for Emmy

If you ever have the time, I think that this poem has the potential to be even better than it already is by continuing it; I was thrown slightly aback when it ended where it did. It sounds almost incomplete. I loved what you have so far, and I think that if you kept writing from where you left you'd really have something! Just a suggestion from a humble fellow poet.
Welcome to the Forum, by the way!

[This message has been edited by Emmy (edited 10-30-1999).]
Denise
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Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


3 posted 10-30-1999 07:00 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Nice piece, Rico. And I sort of thought it was a complete poem, judging by the last line
'their lives have just been set aflame'. To me that said that she reciprocated his feelings. But I'm not an expert by any means and I'm sure if you wanted to make it longer it would be just as lovely!

------------------
Denise

Rico
Junior Member
since 10-29-1999
Posts 20


4 posted 10-30-1999 11:16 PM       View Profile for Rico   Email Rico   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Rico

That is a good suggestion. (To add more to it) But on the other hand I would hate to drag on. I wrote this one to spark imagination. To picture the scene, imbody the feelings of the suitor, and to end it in such a way as to leave you thinking about the ending. I want the reader to come up with their own "happily ever after" thoughts and have warm fuzzy feelings inside. Another reason I wrote this poem was because of a story I was told by a young couple and how they met. I made the ending open as not to have a cliche ending. Thanks for the feedback!
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