Loyd Leugen Schafter stood on his
And bent his body double,
Then rubbed his face with aloe vera
And shaved his morning stubble.
He laced his milk with vitamins
In their most potent liquid form
And spooned oat bran into his mouth
And sipped his green tea warm.
He never gained an ounce of weight,
Nor to stress capitulated
And said "au revoir" to dinner
Somewhat short of being sated.
He did aerobics before dawn,
And each evening meditated,
And ran a thorough background check
On women that he dated.
That he was a perfect specimen
Of manly health can't be denied,
So we're astonished to report
That somehow Mr. Schafter died.