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Rachel

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RainbowGirl
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since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


0 posted 10-27-1999 04:41 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

Sweetheart - Today would have been your 25th birthday.. (it's the 29th but I don't have the heart)

As the dawn of a new day began
so I held you for the first time
7:30 am - Tuesday
tiny hands. wrinkled face
blue eyes and tufts of hair
the overwhelming feeling of love
banished the pain of the last 72 hours
held tight in the crook of my arms
I named you in my heart
Rachel
Tiny little bundle - mass of love
my heart soared
surrounding you with a shield

I still remember the horror on my face
the day your belly button fell off
no one to tell me that would happen
just you and I
surviving on love
learning day by day

The day you crawled
turning back to laugh at me
such a beautiful smile
such deep violet eyes
full of mischief and fun
if I laughed - you did
if you laughed - I did
if I came back after minutes away
chubby little arms reached out
for hugs
so much we shared
so little time

the first time you stayed upright
the shocked look on your face
"mum" I didn't fall over...LOL

I miss you sweetheart...

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

© Copyright 1999 Cindy Jones - All Rights Reserved
Iloveit
Senior Member
since 09-02-99
Posts 1168
NM


1 posted 10-27-1999 04:57 PM       View Profile for Iloveit   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Iloveit

oh gosh, this is beautiful RG, the little ones are so precious....I just love the images you made me see, If I laughed -you did, if you laughed -I did....made me smile and made me cry
big big hugs for you and hope your memories get easier to bear

[This message has been edited by Iloveit (edited 10-27-1999).]
Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


2 posted 10-27-1999 05:43 PM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

This is so sad ... if it is a true story, my heart goes out to you ... if not, it is written very well; either way I love this piece.

Nocht

------------------
"Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus"
(Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.")

Denise
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since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


3 posted 10-27-1999 05:52 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Heartbreaking and touching. Very well written.

------------------
Denise
Isis
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since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


4 posted 10-27-1999 05:59 PM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

So sad, but so beautiful..

------------------
How long after you are gone will ripples remain as evidence that you were cast into the pool?
~Isis~
(Daughter of Mystery)


Dark Angel
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since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


5 posted 10-27-1999 06:00 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Rainbow, This is truly a beautiful piece,Brought tears to my eye's...If I laughed - you did..if you laughed - I did, I could see it all. My heart goes out to you Hon. ((((HUGS))))


------------------
What comes from the heart goes to the heart.
Samuel Coleridge


RainbowGirl
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since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


6 posted 10-27-1999 06:23 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

Thank you...I love my daughter so very much but to fill in a little history (Nocht) Rachel was conceived from rape but nonetheless she was my daughter...I placed her for adoption aged 3 because I wanted her to have what I thought at that time was important, material wealth and security, wrong decision but hindsight is wonderful...anyway, cut a long story short...I refused to interfere in her life and the love of her family (it got the better of me) until nearly 2 years ago when I had her whereabouts investigated...a few weeks before we were due to meet she was killed by a drunk driver...I often wonder what she would have thought to me but I hope she would have liked me and she certainly would have remembered the hugs, I'm sure of that, well, my dreams are...

It's only you and I that will remember her birthday or even her existence...hence my having no heart...

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.



[This message has been edited by RainbowGirl (edited 10-27-1999).]
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


7 posted 10-27-1999 06:34 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Oh Rainbow, my heart goes out to you. You have sacrificed so much for love. I only wish you could have gotten to know the daughter she became because of your love. This is so beautifully written, yet so sad. God Bless you.
Hugs
Ruth
suthern
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since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


8 posted 10-27-1999 07:45 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Dear friend... I wish I could take the pain away, heal your heart, and dry your tears... Unfortunately, memories bring both tears and smiles... Rachel doesn't live just in your memories... she lives in the woman you've become and in the love you give so generously... and in the rainbows you make from the tears in your life. I know she was beautiful simply because I know she was yours... and your tribute to her is lovely.
Pepper
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since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
9 posted 10-27-1999 08:33 PM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

My heart goes out to you Rainbow.Your poem is very beautiful and very moving.
You have touched me deeply......

------------------
A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extrordinaire!
Denise
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since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


10 posted 10-27-1999 09:25 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Rainbow, I'm so sorry for your tragedy. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. HUGS

------------------
Denise
Watcher666
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since 10-13-1999
Posts 1630


11 posted 10-27-1999 11:54 PM       View Profile for Watcher666   Email Watcher666   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Watcher666's Home Page   View IP for Watcher666

So Beautiful.My heart goes out to you.*Hugs*

------------------
Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


12 posted 10-28-1999 12:25 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Nothing touches like pure heart-felt emotion. Rainbow, my thoughts go out to you and your memories.
Christopher
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Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


13 posted 10-28-1999 02:40 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

A soul render this is RG... I applaud your strength though...it is amazing that you can have such a big heart despite what you've had to deal with in life. A role model I think, for I only hope to have half the heart you do with half the strife.
JTF
Member
since 08-09-99
Posts 325
France


14 posted 10-28-1999 04:52 AM       View Profile for JTF   Email JTF   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for JTF

RG, I'm sure that walking on her rainbow, Rachel is looking at you, she is proud of you and she loves you.

HUSG


HUSG

Quand tu regarderas le ciel, la nuit, puisque j'habiterai dans l'une d'elles, puisque je rirai dans l'une d'elles, alors ce sera pour toi comme si riaient toutes les étoiles. Tu auras, toi, des étoiles qui savent rire !

Saint-Exupéry, Le Petit Prince
RainbowGirl
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since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
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15 posted 10-28-1999 05:56 AM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

I wish I could give voice to how I'm feeling but I think that would mean far too many rainbows..

I appreciate all your replies so much..

HUGS all



------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

Verma
Member
since 10-25-1999
Posts 80
Midlands, England


16 posted 10-28-1999 06:19 AM       View Profile for Verma   Email Verma   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Verma

RG - Your story moves me very much, My heart goes out to you. x
Michael
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since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


17 posted 10-28-1999 06:22 AM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

This is heartwrenching, Rainbow. You sure reached down deep with this one, I can feel the pain.

------------------
Michael Anderson

Is all that we see or seem
but a dream within a dream?


RainbowGirl
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since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


18 posted 10-28-1999 01:52 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

I just wanted to apologise for the brief reply this morning, to be honest I was taken back...the warmth that comes across with each of your replies makes me cry and before anyone says it, yep, typical woman..*g*

So thank you all for the warmth and the comfort you've given me, it really does mean a lot to me...

One moist eyed Rainbow says Big HUGS

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


19 posted 10-28-1999 07:01 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

I've taken flight in fantasy,
On a brilliant summer day.
While floating on a cloud of white,
My child came out to play.
She's dancing on a rainbow,
Sliding down a star,
Twirling with her bear of brown,
As beauty fills her heart.
She leaps into the crimson,
Rolls joyfully in blue,
Bathed in golden sunlight,
She hugs magenta too!
Copper shimmers in her hair,
As she giggles silver sounds,
Blowing opalescent bubbles,
While turquoise drops rain down.
She prances through the purples,
In many shades and tones,
And dips her toe in sapphire seas,
Edged in silver foam.
The coloured lights surround her,
And the brown bear who's her friend,
'Cause she's dancing on a rainbow,
And her world feels safe again!




Each time on Rachel's birthday or the anniversary of her death I've posted this poem but this year I feel I know those that will read to know me well enough to understand that I'm trying to be at peace with myself so include the only photograph I have of us...(no laughing it is 24 odd years ago)..



------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


20 posted 10-28-1999 07:11 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

This is absolutely lovely, RG - the poem, the sentiment, and the love you express....
RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


21 posted 10-28-1999 07:25 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

Nan: Thanks...I don't know about anyone else but if you have reservations about a decision you made, sometimes it can haunt you but there comes a time when you have to find peace with why you made it and although you may torture yourself in years to come...we do what we do at the time because we believe that is best..and letting go is equally as hard as the original decision...

Bless you Nan!

HUSG

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

Julie
Senior Member
since 08-20-99
Posts 742
Houston, TX


22 posted 10-28-1999 07:39 PM       View Profile for Julie   Email Julie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Julie

RainbowGirl: I know there are no words to take away this loss but I pray that the words spoken here warm your heart if only for a moment as a blanket on a snowy evening frost. Thank you for having the courage to share this and allowing us to comfort you today.
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


23 posted 10-28-1999 07:55 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Rachel's poem never fails to make me smile... and it never fails to make me want to hug her mum. *S* I KNEW she was beautiful... she couldn't have been otherwise... what a treasure that photo is... what a treasure you are, dear friend. Big hugs and much love!
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


24 posted 10-28-1999 07:59 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Rainbow, with the posting of your second poem, again tears come to my eyes. No words can express the empathy I have for you and your loss. It would be nice if we could take your pain away for you, but we can only be here as shoulders to lean and cry upon and a listening ear. May your fond memories of the short time you shared together outlast the painful memories and may God Bless you.
Hugs
Ruth
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