How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #3 Archive
 the dead beat
 1 2
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

the dead beat

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
starchild
Member
since 10-22-1999
Posts 60
manchester, england


0 posted 10-25-1999 09:48 AM       View Profile for starchild   Email starchild   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for starchild




the dead beat
the heavy heat
the far cry from the old streets
the old way
the golden days
the facist way
the dead rage
the family

brutality
the elite
the american dream
the cold sweat
the heart attack
the broken back
the overworked
the underpaid
the too young
to get laid
the the teenage birth
the hush hush
the bright white snow
that turns to mush
the people dying
on the street
the blind eye
the dead beat
© Copyright 1999 starchild - All Rights Reserved
desperado
Member
since 05-24-99
Posts 361
FT Hood,Tx


1 posted 10-28-1999 08:19 PM       View Profile for desperado   Email desperado   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for desperado

this is nice. it's has good rhythm, good rhyme, yet it doesn't really stand out. doesn't grab your audience. it's title, while good, doesn't stand out. the same could be said of the rest of the poem. when I read the title, I instantly thought, "young, angry, immature, horendous". as a writer you have to try to make the reader think in good terms and not negative ones. it's just the way of the game.
handbagsatfiftypaces
Junior Member
since 11-02-1999
Posts 12


2 posted 11-02-1999 07:18 AM       View Profile for handbagsatfiftypaces   Email handbagsatfiftypaces   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for handbagsatfiftypaces

Desperado you make me so angry.
That is not the way of the game. Fair enough if you thought the poem was bad, but to say I HAVE to make the audience think in positive terms is the biggest pile of @#? * I have ever heard. Poetry is about, if anything, freeing yourself from all codes and rules and restrictions and conventions, you don't have to do anything. Unless of course you want to write plastic poetry, poetry by numbers where you give it good rhyme and meter and structure and punctuation and enough metaphors and similes and clever little references to other things so that pompous scholars all across the land can revel in how marvellous it is when at the end, when everything is said and done and everyone has patted you on the back for writing the way they decided was good, you are left with a heap of **** that means nothing.
Well that's my two cents
 
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #3 >> the dead beat Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors