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Passions in Poetry

Where are you?

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DanMc
Junior Member
since 10-24-1999
Posts 10
Canada


0 posted 10-24-1999 02:36 PM       View Profile for DanMc   Email DanMc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DanMc's Home Page   View IP for DanMc

Where Are You?

How long must I search?
Oh, lonely heart of mine?
Or am I doomed to write sad poems that rhyme?

What else can I do, when you
Start pounding?
If I do nothing, then I'm left waiting.

So many times I've followed you,
In search of my fait.
Where could you be, my friend, my lover,
And soulmate.


------------------
Daniel McIntosh
© Copyright 1999 DanMc - All Rights Reserved
desperado
Member
since 05-24-99
Posts 361
FT Hood,Tx


1 posted 10-28-1999 08:48 PM       View Profile for desperado   Email desperado   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for desperado

hmmm this one was a little rough. punctuation is rampantly over done. the words, though nice, are bland and flavorless. the subject of the poem is one already overdone and with the blandness of the words, just makes it worse. I'm not being hard, I'm being real. if you want to post here, then you want to learn something. you want to be accepted. and in order to be accepted, you have to write things that are unique, different, and eye catching. either that or you just have to be you. be the one that's easiest, it always works.
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


2 posted 10-28-1999 11:40 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

The feeling in this is well expressed. I'm not an expert on writing but I think this speaks much with few words!

------------------
Denise



[This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 10-28-1999).]
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