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Passions in Poetry

discerning angels" read and reply

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darksideofthesun
Junior Member
since 10-21-1999
Posts 12


0 posted 10-23-1999 01:47 PM       View Profile for darksideofthesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for darksideofthesun

I once met an angel named
deception,
who whispered broken promises in my ears to make me believe in her lies.
I once met an angel named
vanity,
who lurked with a vengance behind the faces she consumed, to take away all feeling of something real.
I once met an angel named
ignorance,
not able to understand things so simple;
who couldnt differentiate the dying from the living- maybe just because she didnt want to see the
truth
I once found the devil with an angel's face.
an angel who came to me in silent dreams,
saw my transparent secrets,
taunted my weakness,
gazed at me with those blue eyes,
drinking my salty tears like the blood of love's martyrs,
which now mingles with my own.
I once met a devil with an angel's face,
but i couldnt tell the difference any more.

[This message has been edited by darksideofthesun (edited 10-23-1999).]
© Copyright 1999 darksideofthesun - All Rights Reserved
Lucie
Senior Member
since 06-20-99
Posts 1123
Houston


1 posted 10-23-1999 01:58 PM       View Profile for Lucie   Email Lucie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lucie

I really liked the concept of your poem.. You should really try to use some punctuation to make your points more vivid. It reads choppy and the reader is forced to insert their own breaks and pauses. If you would like I could help you. Email me.
Watcher666
Senior Member
since 10-13-1999
Posts 1630


2 posted 10-23-1999 02:57 PM       View Profile for Watcher666   Email Watcher666   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Watcher666's Home Page   View IP for Watcher666

Good poem,but I agree with Lucie.Line breaks would help the flow.

------------------
Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


3 posted 10-23-1999 03:31 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

I also have to agree with Lucie. The poem is wonderful but there are breaks needed to improve the flow.
Twilight_Angel
Junior Member
since 08-07-99
Posts 22
USA


4 posted 10-23-1999 04:05 PM       View Profile for Twilight_Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Twilight_Angel

Beautiful!
PoeticPreacher
Junior Member
since 10-20-1999
Posts 28
jkljkj


5 posted 10-23-1999 04:13 PM       View Profile for PoeticPreacher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit PoeticPreacher's Home Page   View IP for PoeticPreacher

Truly a spiritual enlightening nugget. This poems completely describes all that embodies an obession with a deceitful person or even that which is evil appearing to be "all right". For example:"I once found the devil with an angel's face
an angel who came to me in silent dreams
saw my transparent secrets
taunted my weakness
gazed at me with those blue eyes
drinking my salty tears like the blood of love's martyrs
which now mingles with my own."

For some reason the poem as written seem to add emphasis to me. Missed punctuation I feel was just an over sight. I do that a lot myself, but will make corrections if someone point out a period or comma I missed.
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


6 posted 10-23-1999 06:08 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Very very nice! I enjoyed reading this!

------------------
Denise
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