Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
(The Crazy Horse is a famous male revue on Miami Beach)
She keeps the house immaculate,
Her shopping keeps me out of debt
With bargains made and sales met.
She'd never make a living hooking
For she's not very sensous-looking
But, when she's in that kitchen cooking,
Of all the women there may be
I'm glad that she belongs to me.
Versed in the ways of the world am I
With sense of humor slightly dry
And, in an effort to feel spry,
While she was playing Betty Crocker I, reclining on the rocker,
Said, perchance to mildly shock her,
"I plan to take you some day soon
To the Crazy Horse Saloon!"
Her features turned a crimson red
As blush raced up from toes to head
And said she'd rather fall down dead!
But I, with calm diplomacy,
Sat her down upon my knee
And said, "Please do it - just for me."
Being a very faithful mate
She nodded and we set the date.
The noisy Crazy Horse Saloon
Bleated out a frenzied tune
As I smiled, "They"ll be coming soon!"
Her hands clenched with anxiety
As she prayed to the deity
And cursed the new society!
While I, with an air of suave-faire,
Acted as though t'were nothing rare.
The lights were turned down very low
Signalling the final show.
I whispered, "Honey, here we go!"
Knowing that my little saint
Was set to fall down in a faint
I held my smile with great restraint.
The music rose up to a roar
As dancers came out on the fIoor!!!
She looked at me to criticize
Then turned her head to hide her eyes
When suddenly, to my surprise,
I saw her take a little peek
At Macho Man's uncovered cheek
And, with a loud, resounding shriek
Clapped her hands and yelled for more
As they came dancing on the floor!
With Injun Chief she gave a roar
With Cowboy almost hit the floor
With Macho Man she begged for more!
She stuffed my dollar bills inside
The coverings of their manly pride
-Her fingers wiggled while inside !!!
While I jumped up and waved my hand
Pointing at my wedding band!
For two full hours I sat and booed
Exhibitionists so crude
Wondering - how did I look in the nude?)
As she went on at fever pace
Perspiration on her face
Leaving me in sad disgrace.
After those bodies on the floor
I felt I'd make a sad encore!
Arriving home, she grabbed my hand
(Obvious what she had planned)
I didn't even have time to stand!
Now I'm not one to curse at luck
But that wild woman ran amok!
And all while whistling "Disco Duck!"
I moaned and groaned in agony
At what that woman did to me.
Her angel face has now returned
No memory of passion burned
Nor of the worm that boldly turned.
She looks so peaceful lying there,
A perfect wife and mine to share
But, in my head, I hear "Beware!"
Before you take her for granted too soon
Remember that scorching summer night
- at the Crazy Horse Saloon.