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Open Poetry #3
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Ode To Shakespeare
| Open Poetry #3 |
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Ode To Shakespeare |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
There was a man lived long ago Who wrote in lyrics long And dipped the tip so carefuly Until the ink was gone. "All the world's a stage," he said. "And men and women but players." There was a man Wrote many a play That graced the royal stage upon... Where character, young Juliet Lay in sleep past dawn And Romeo had not his sweet Love had passed away? So poision to his lips Was drawn. There was a writer Of the theater Famous for his verse And when all dramticies are gone away William Shakespeare's words become emersed. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Kristen Joy Jacobus - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
JOY, I hate to be the bearer of bad news...BUT, I don't understand the rhyme scheme.... First stanza, ABCB..ok. But "long" was used twice in this stanza...kinda repetitive Second stanza, No apparent rhyme, except that the last words of both stanzas rhyme Third Stanza, dawn and drawn rhyme, was that meant? If so...the meter is completely off. Fourth Stanza...seems it was meant to be ABCB again, but what would be the first line is broken into two. It just seemed like it was thrown together without regard for rhyme and meter. If you want to write a pome like that, fine, but do it ALL in free verse. Sorry if I sound rude....just my point of view. ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
I appreciate your comment, Systematic Decay, and I do take into consideration what you are saying. But, this poem wasn't meant for ryhm and meter. It was just meant for expressing feelings without the worry of perfection. Thanks. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Well then are you sure you should have posted this poem here? This forum is for criticism, interaction, and improvement -- here, just a feeling is the beginning of a poem, not the end. Perhaps you or I should move it to the OP forum? Brad |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Yes, I do realize now that maybe it wasn't the best choice to put this poem in Critical Analysis. It is fine if it is switched to Open Poetry. Next time I submit a poem to CA, I will make sure the format is better so the critisism it gets will be used to its advantage. My apologies. I have another poem in CA, One Final Prayer, that I would like advice or comments on. Thanks. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Just thought Joy14 might find the comments more interesting if it were posted here. Thanks |
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