ok this lends a better feel closer together, so remember to not hit the enter key so repeatedly ok? hehe
lets just go through this shall we?
Away from your treachery
Away from the pain you've caused me
I am a child, terrified
Anger, bona fide
I'd add a word in front of anger there and make that first part into a question "My anger? bona fide" try that for an example. you can add it or not, but that's why I'm here, to give you my opinion.
And detached from sensuality
I'd delete the "and" and leave it starting with detached.
Who will be the one to love me
Who will be the one to free me
I'm standing at a crossroad
So many emotions to load
Worn out from my travels
I've come so far
But I haven't gained anything
The memory remains
The sunset fades behind my back
Forver marred by you
I'll leave this hell made by you
My demons running free
Will they ever leave?
Here in my inner prison
Love, hate, creating a prism
most people see a prism as a three sided figure, yet you only give two things. a good one for a third, should you decide to put one in, is indecision. or you could use another if you'd like or none at all. it is your choice, and I might be wrong.
I stand alone
I did like this poem, it does move, and flow rather well, just little things here and there that I'm pointing out, nothing really big. well except for maybe the first thing, it's kinda iffy though. point is that though you have some good ideas, you are guilty of something the rest of us are guilty of as well, it's just the little things. I make goofs as often as the next man, yet we can all learn from these and continue on. so keep working on it and good luck.