Sitting in Michael's Lap
I viewed the world through cynic's eyes; a disillusioned dreamer
With hopes that time would heal the wounds of love's inconstancy --
But time had proved, at best, an ineffectual redeemer --
So I succumbed, resigned to the illusion that was me.
Meandering, with no regard for future or for purpose,
I wandered countless paths, but never once unto the end;
And through it all, I strove to seem impartial on the surface --
But solitude's a bitter host -- indifference is no friend.
Forever seemed to trickle by, envenomed by my sorrow,
Awakening the torment that condemns the heart to burn;
Unwilling to admit defeat, but fearful of tomorrow,
I found I could no longer wear the mask of unconcern.
I thought I had the strength to conquer this pervasive sadness,
To soothe the hurts inflicted by deception's jagged knife,
But, thus disarmed, I felt myself descending into madness --
Uncertain of my sanity, and fighting for my life.
For countless nights, I drank despair -- a mindless demon, driven
To revel in the nightmare that had haunted me so long --
Unable to appreciate the life that I'd been given,
I swore that I could never know forgiveness -- I was wrong.
For even in my darkest hour, when hope was weak and fleeting,
And everything in me cried out for giving up the fight,
A presence whispered to my soul, insistent and repeating:
"My blood is your redemption, child; My love will be your Light!"
He guided me back to myself, gave back what pain had taken,
While I demanded: "Where were You when first I needed Thee?"
He answered: "My beloved Child, you never were forsaken;
For I was ever with you, even when you weren't with Me."
"Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus"
(Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.")
[This message has been edited by Nochtdraco (edited 10-17-1999).]