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Needs a title
| Open Poetry #3 |
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Needs a title |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap 
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I viewed the world through cynic's eyes; a disillusioned dreamer With hopes that time would heal the wounds of love's inconstancy -- But time had proved, at best, an ineffectual redeemer -- So I succumbed, resigned to the illusion that was me. Meandering, with no regard for future or for purpose, I wandered countless paths, but never once unto the end; And through it all, I strove to seem impartial on the surface -- But solitude's a bitter host -- indifference is no friend. Forever seemed to trickle by, envenomed by my sorrow, Awakening the torment that condemns the heart to burn; Unwilling to admit defeat, but fearful of tomorrow, I found I could no longer wear the mask of unconcern. I thought I had the strength to conquer this pervasive sadness, To soothe the hurts inflicted by deception's jagged knife, But, thus disarmed, I felt myself descending into madness -- Uncertain of my sanity, and fighting for my life. For countless nights, I drank despair -- a mindless demon, driven To revel in the nightmare that had haunted me so long -- Unable to appreciate the life that I'd been given, I swore that I could never know forgiveness -- I was wrong. For even in my darkest hour, when hope was weak and fleeting, And everything in me cried out for giving up the fight, A presence whispered to my soul, insistent and repeating: "My blood is your redemption, child; My love will be your Light!" He guided me back to myself, gave back what pain had taken, While I demanded: "Where were You when first I needed Thee?" He answered: "My beloved Child, you never were forsaken; For I was ever with you, even when you weren't with Me." ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") [This message has been edited by Nochtdraco (edited 10-17-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Linda Anderson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
This is professionally written..exact in every poetic detail. Amazing work. Title? I havent a clue. Dialogue of Deliverance? |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Ack! You said the "p" word (professionally, not poetic). I don't think I could write professionally; if I did it for a living it would lose its meaning. However, I recognize the value of that compliment, and so will accept it gracefully.  On that note, I think I'm off to bed ... ( these old bones need their rest). Nite all! Nocht |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I am speechless (that happens now and again)! This is a most brilliant piece of writing! I don't have any ideas right now for a title ,though Balladeers is good! If I think of one, I'll let you know! ------------------ Denise |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Just wondering, Balladeer, what is a "Professionally" done poem? Nocht, I thought it was wonderful. hmmm, a title.....perhaps "A Light in the Darkness.." I know sounds kinda bland, but I can't think of anything better. ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I just thought of one! How about 'Soul Whispers' or maybe just 'Whispers' or how about 'Repeated Whispers' or 'Forever Whispers'? (I know, I said one but then the others popped into my head when I was typing the first! My brain does that sometimes!) Or how about 'The Whisper' or 'His Whisper'? ------------------ Denise [This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 10-17-1999).] |
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zipknee Junior Member
since 1999-07-28
Posts 35Oak Park, IL |
Wow! I absolutely loved this poem. It's a hard lesson to learn, but a wonderful one. Your writing is truly inspirational. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Excellent! Well done on the useage of imagery and metaphors! |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Amazing work Nocht. As for a title...hmmm....How about "The Promise". |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Thank you all so much ... Denise, those are all wonderful suggestions for titles ... thank you for coming back and suggesting them ... zipknee, I tend to think that it is the message, not the poetry, that is inspirational ... and the credit for that goes to the owner of that whispering voice ... Christopher, thank you for the read and reply ... it feels good to know that others notice my feeble attempts at poetic technique ... Marilyn, that is another great idea; I'll take it under consideration. smiles ... Nocht [This message has been edited by Nochtdraco (edited 10-17-1999).] |
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Starith Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 176Leesburg, FL USA |
Beautiful. I have known this feeling before. Well conveyed! Good job as always my friend.Star ------------------ We are only truly apperciated after we are no more! |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
Glad to see the first line says "viewed" and not "view".. Past tense means you made it through, I'm assuming. Great poem. Title? mm Stepping into life? ------------------ Kay-lynn **A dream is a wish your heart makes :) |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Star: Haven't we ALL been there at one time or another..?  Thanks for the read and reply.redwriter: Yes, I made it through ... and I am very happy with my life at present; I've managed to pull myself together, get back in college, and I've met a very wonderful man to boot! What could be better? Thanks for reading ... and for asking.Nocht |
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