I spent the night at Shirley's house
following her gig.
I had come to have some fun,
but partied like a pig!
I had had way too much to drink
so slept upon the floor.
I couldn't drive my Chevrolet,
I couldn't see the door.
I asked if I could sleep with Shirl.
My girlfriend was the best.
But all she did was say her name,
saying, "Shirley, U. Jest".
Some others stayed at Shirley's, too;
because they couldn't drive.
My Shirley was their friend indeed
and helped keep them alive.
I soon awoke at 4AM --
I had to take a leak.
I went to Shirley's second bath.
My knees were getting weak.
I didn't turn the light switch on--
I just wanted to pee.
But some girl left the round seat down!
I splashed upon my knee!
I cursed so loud (but no-one woke)
and then raised up the seat.
I'm courteous to most, you see --
my splash will not repeat!
I went to sleep back on the floor
but soon I heard a scream!
Justine Ormous fell right in
the potty, so it seemed!
"Uh oh, " I said, then hid my head,
since I am no conformist!
I left the seat up for the guys,
but feared this Justine Ormous.
The chick was huge! She'd tear me up!
I did not leave the seat up!
I'd lie 'til May, I'd lie 'til June!
I'd hated to get beat up!
Justine came out, her butt now dry,
the chef the night before.
And so I rose to talk to her.
I couldn't sleep no more.
I didn't mention toilet seats,
instead I praised the cooking.
I said I liked her Jumbo Shrimp,
and said she was good looking.
"Jumbo Shrimp?", she said to me,
then called me "oxymoron".
She didn't make the shrimp, you see;
we had a minor war on!
And so I thought, oh lucky me!
This could be Armeggedan
if she had thought the lid was up
because I was forgettin'.
And so next time Justine's around,
make sure you leave the pot seat down.