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Passions in Poetry

my first "vanilla" poem (villanelle)

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RobertB
Senior Member
since 09-26-1999
Posts 1121
Champaign, IL


0 posted 10-10-1999 05:58 PM       View Profile for RobertB   Email RobertB   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for RobertB

Secrets of Nature Revealed

a1. The brooding voice upon the wind
b. spoke to me with emphasis…
a2 so this in turn to you I send:

a The clouds their energy expend
b whispering in sentences
a1 the brooding voice upon the wind

a Full ripened fruit the rains begin
b tears of heartfelt penitence
a2 so this in turn to you I send

a Then to the sun the flowers bend
b and nod to the lyricist
a1 the brooding voice upon the wind

a Ah, I now know the changing trend
b and form my hypothesis
a2 so this in turn to you I send.

a That Nature truly is our friend
b secret of photosynthesis
a1 the brooding voice upon the wind
a2 so this in turn to you I send.

Rb

I left the line numbers in for anyone who wants to try also.




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if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming.
© Copyright 1999 RobertB - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


1 posted 10-10-1999 06:11 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Simply beautiful! This form, though, along with the sestina, et al, are beyond the grasp of my abilities. But I do enjoy reading them!

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Denise
RobertB
Senior Member
since 09-26-1999
Posts 1121
Champaign, IL


2 posted 10-10-1999 06:16 PM       View Profile for RobertB   Email RobertB   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RobertB

you gotta join the workshop Denise...I did to torture myself.

RB

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if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming.
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


3 posted 10-10-1999 06:20 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Thanks, but I'm not up to torture right now!
Perhaps after my daughter's bridal shower, wedding and Christmas I'll be ready for some!

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Denise
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


4 posted 10-10-1999 06:25 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

You've got a really interesting theme here, and you got your repetitions down well...
I like the twist you gave the meter by varying the "b" lines as you did...
Nice job - and I'll be looking forward to your pantoum....
RobertB
Senior Member
since 09-26-1999
Posts 1121
Champaign, IL


5 posted 10-10-1999 06:27 PM       View Profile for RobertB   Email RobertB   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RobertB

LOL....I can't wait to do a "phantoum" poem!!!

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if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming.
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


6 posted 10-10-1999 06:31 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

RobertB,
Good job just follow Nan's advice and you can't go wrong.
RobertB
Senior Member
since 09-26-1999
Posts 1121
Champaign, IL


7 posted 10-10-1999 06:40 PM       View Profile for RobertB   Email RobertB   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RobertB

if Nan says jump off a cliff..should I???

:-}

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if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


8 posted 10-10-1999 10:58 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Hats off to you, after attempting one myself, I give credit to anyone that even makes an attempt, let alone pulls it off as well as you did
RobertB
Senior Member
since 09-26-1999
Posts 1121
Champaign, IL


9 posted 10-10-1999 11:14 PM       View Profile for RobertB   Email RobertB   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RobertB

I think I pulled a muscle in my brain Ruth!

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if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming.
Tara Simms
Senior Member
since 08-12-99
Posts 1285
Honea Path, SC USA


10 posted 10-10-1999 11:28 PM       View Profile for Tara Simms   Email Tara Simms   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Tara Simms's Home Page   View IP for Tara Simms

Robert, I'd sooner jump off the cliff than attempt form poetry. It sounds less scary! And it's bound to be less painful! Great job.
RobertB will be notified of replies
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