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Passions in Poetry

What We Do

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Sunshine
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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


0 posted 10-04-1999 05:46 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

What We Do

I知 listening.

With all of my heart,
I am trying to hear you.

The silence is deafening
in the words you are not speaking
and the actions you are not making.

I知 watching.

With all of my senses
I am trying to understand.

Round and round we go
on this merry-go-lightly of life
and wondering why we池e not dizzy.

I知 praying.

With each silent thought
my cries reach out to God.

Telling him we could be all right,
asking him to make us all right,
praying that he値l let us be all right.

Now I値l have to listen and watch
for my prayers to come true.

Alone.

4 October, 1999
ゥKRJ



------------------
Sunshine
Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

© Copyright 1999 Karilea Rilling - All Rights Reserved
Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


1 posted 10-04-1999 05:55 PM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

This relays an "expectant pause" very well ... and is typical of the excellent free verse that I have come to associate with you.

I did come upon one little stumble, or perhaps I am misinterpreting the line ... when I read the line "And the actions you are not making," I must admit that in my mind, I had already finished the line with "taking" instead, before I ever read the last word. This is not a critique, just a question, designed to broaden my understanding of the form (which, in case you haven't noticed, continues to elude me!): Any particular reason you chose that word..?

Nocht

------------------
"Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus"
(Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.")




[This message has been edited by Nochtdraco (edited 10-04-1999).]
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


2 posted 10-04-1999 09:59 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

A very nice piece of free verse Sunshine...well done

------------------
Man can not discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


3 posted 10-05-1999 09:12 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Notch, first I must thank you for reading this poem so carefully. I purposefully did not use "taking". We have to "make" our lives. The speaker is "making an effort" and looking for the partner to also "make an effort."

I can expound, but I think I've seen enough of your insight that you've already picked up on what I am trying to say. Please, let me know if you have any other questions, and PLEASE, always feel free to critique, as that will only help me grow. Thank you.

Hoot, thank you for your comment!
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


4 posted 10-05-1999 09:29 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Sunshine,
Not much on free verse but this one caught my eye. Good read, good job.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


5 posted 10-05-1999 10:09 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Thank you Sy. Glad I caught your eye.
Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
6 posted 10-05-1999 10:33 AM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

enjoyed the read Sunshine.......last line was very effective

------------------

May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


7 posted 10-07-1999 05:06 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Thank you Pepper. This one caused a little commentary, which I very much appreciate.
Sunshine will be notified of replies
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