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The faithful (a villanelle for Ms DeVine's challenge)
| Open Poetry #3 |
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The faithful (a villanelle for Ms DeVine's challenge) |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap 
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The faithful A thousand voices raise their desperate cry, Existence chokes them like a bitter pill; Impartial heavens tender no reply. Though faith would be so easy to deny, They beg the mercy of some greater Will: A thousand voices raise their desperate cry. They whisper supplications to the sky As though their prayers might fresh resolve instill; Impartial heavens tender no reply. The hope they claim, their haunted eyes belie; A vain pretense, though wrought with practiced skill: A thousand voices raise their desperate cry. Enwrapped in blind devotion's shroud, they die; For faith cannot their empty bellies fill. A thousand voices raise their desperate cry: Impartial heavens tender no reply. ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") [This message has been edited by Nochtdraco (edited 10-04-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Linda Anderson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Jeez, this thing isn't THAT bad, is it..?  I mean, I know it isn't a warm-and-fuzzy, but if it is that bad, I'd like to know why..? Criticism, please..?Maybe I should ask someone to move it to Critical Analysis..? Nocht ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Great form, good flow, and rhyme. I just have a problem with the message. But it is a very well done poem!  ------------------ Denise |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
dsnyder, thank you for your reply. I had a feeling when I worte this that it would not get a warm reception. Allow me to be the first to agree with you; I have a problem with the message too; that is a great deal of the reason why I wrote the poem. I am a Christian, and when I see others reduced to such hopelessness, it breaks my heart. The problem is, I believe that a great deal of the responsibility for easing the suffering of such persons lies in the hands of myself and my fellow Christians, and it is my opinion that this God-given duty is not being done as it should be. To use a tired cliche, many of us "talk the talk but don't walk the walk." If anyone else who reads this doesn't like the message, I understand; although I did happen to write it in the form of a villanelle in order to meet Ms DeVine's challenge, my main reason for posting this here was to put the call out for service on behalf of those who need it so desperately. Thanks for putting up with me; Nocht |
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Starith Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 176Leesburg, FL USA |
Well I see you're stirring up trobule again Nocth...LOL...just kidding. The message was dark...but I liked the form and rhyme. Your explanation at the end of the replies did help me to understand it a little better though. Great poem. Star ------------------ We are only truly apperciated after we are no more! |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Yes, I agree that the "Harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few". I, too, am a Christian. I never felt comfortable talking to strangers about my faith. (I guess I had other persuasions pushed down my throat and I don't find anything attractive about forcing my beliefs on others.) I hope that my life and my writings bring a message of hope to the ones who are seeking it. And again, your poem was very well done! ------------------ Denise |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Nocht.....I personally have no specific religion...I am full of beliefs from many different religions and just my own ideas...... but it seems to me the poem is more about the faithful following a lost cause than the explanation you offered......especially the last stanza.....maybe you could help me understand a bit more? ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Sure, Sys, I would be glad to clarify ... The poem WAS written to show the faithful, seemingly abandoned by God. Without launching into a lengthy philosophical debate, I will say that my belief is that God no longer directly involves himself in the affairs of men, but trusts in His followers to perform His will. Which, incidentally, includes providing comfort to the downtrodden. If such a person of faith found himself in such a situation, while his fellow man went on about their business, pretending not to see, it could very easily appear that God was uncaring, because "heaven tendered no reply", that reply essentially being a helping hand from his mortal brothers. This poem is written from the point of view of those who have lost all their hope; the hope that we, fellow humans and children of God, should have been careful to defend. speech over ... Nocht |
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