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Sally S.
Senior Member

since 1999-06-07

Posts 847
Ohio

0 posted 1999-10-04 09:20 AM

Where the soothing breeze caresses your cheek
And the reticent strong willed encourage the meek.
Where the wings of the butterfly cry out with delight
And the stillness of the lake reflects the moonlight.
Where the kiss of true love falls gently across lips
And the passionate glance launches ten thousand ships.

Where the warm summer sand sinks beneath each small toe
And the spray of the ocean beckons you not to go.
Where the fire in the hearth holds you deep in it's trance
And the love from afar finally asks you to dance.
Where the flowers retain bloom from summer to spring
And the kiss from a rainbow causes your heart to sing.

Where the innocence of a child is never brought into question
And the fears they may face never involve a weapon.
Where every man, woman and child live together as one
And the days have true meaning with each rising of the sun.
Where the weeks are not counted by work days of seven
And the knowledge of where you are...truly is heaven.

[This message has been edited by Sally S. (edited 10-04-1999).]

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

1 posted 1999-10-04 09:22 AM

Beautiful work, Sally, peaceful, eloquent.
This poem truly sings.

------------------
Michael Anderson

The coldest lies are often told in silence.

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

2 posted 1999-10-04 09:33 AM

Nicely done sally

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Man can not discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.

Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

3 posted 1999-10-04 09:37 AM

Delightful

Very good example of anapestic tetrameter. I do have some suggestions for easier reading, if you would permit such.

1) v2,5: omit 'each'
2) v2,6: instead of 'evokes', which has the same long 'o' as 'rainbow', try 'causing'
3) v3,2: omit 'are', change 'involving' to 'involve'

Please keep in mind that these are merely suggestions. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't critique it.

Keep on penning them, Sally.

Alicat

Sally S.
Senior Member

since 1999-06-07

Posts 847
Ohio

4 posted 1999-10-04 09:45 AM

Michael and hoot, thank you both for your kind words.

Ali...Thank you for your advice. I took it.

It does seem better that way.

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

5 posted 1999-10-04 04:28 PM

Very beautiful words, Sally, well presented (and a lot of wa waa's in the acrostics)

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

6 posted 1999-10-04 08:59 PM

Simply beautiful! This simply flowed!

------------------
Denise

Sally S.
Senior Member

since 1999-06-07

Posts 847
Ohio

7 posted 1999-10-04 11:35 PM

My deer, I swear I wasn't whining!!!
(and I wasn't thirsty either...well, perhaps I was...huh, I dunno.)

Thank you, Denise.

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

8 posted 1999-10-05 01:34 AM

Very beautiful piece, Sally.

A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant

since 1999-09-03

Posts 5496
Forever In Your Heart

9 posted 1999-10-05 02:12 AM

This was sweet and spiritual, loved it! the acrostics..WA WA WA...was maybe the whinnings of the people who do not know where they are going? Heaven or hell?

Isis
Member Ascendant

since 1999-09-06

Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland

10 posted 1999-10-05 02:49 AM

Spiritually uplifting is what I'd call it..:..

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny, compared to what lies within us.
~Isis~
(Daughter of Mystery)

Pepper
Member Elite

since 1999-08-19

Posts 3079
Southern Florida

11 posted 1999-10-05 12:04 PM

very beautiful piece indeed Sally......

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May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams

Sally S.
Senior Member

since 1999-06-07

Posts 847
Ohio

12 posted 1999-10-05 11:16 PM

Again, my thanks to all of you. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. I really appreciate your feedback.

Soleil
Member

since 1999-06-12

Posts 113

13 posted 1999-10-07 08:42 PM

Beautiful.

caroline
Senior Member

since 1999-08-16

Posts 1218
http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm

14 posted 1999-10-07 08:51 PM

A majestic piece of poetry, Sally. It is very uplifting, and beautifully written.

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"Tread softly, for I have spread my dreams under your feet"~~William Butler Yeats

Tara Simms
Senior Member

since 1999-08-12

Posts 1244
Honea Path, SC USA

15 posted 1999-10-07 08:59 PM

I want to echo everybody else's thoughts on this. Absolutely beautiful!

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It matters not how strait the gate;
How charged with punishments the scroll;
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
--W.E. Henley
Visit my poetry website: www.geocities.com/Paris/Musee/9954/

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