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Passions in Poetry

My Own Interpretation...

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Sally S.
Senior Member
since 06-07-99
Posts 887
Ohio


0 posted 10-04-1999 09:20 AM       View Profile for Sally S.   Email Sally S.   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Sally S.

Where the soothing breeze caresses your cheek
And the reticent strong willed encourage the meek.
Where the wings of the butterfly cry out with delight
And the stillness of the lake reflects the moonlight.
Where the kiss of true love falls gently across lips
And the passionate glance launches ten thousand ships.

Where the warm summer sand sinks beneath each small toe
And the spray of the ocean beckons you not to go.
Where the fire in the hearth holds you deep in it's trance
And the love from afar finally asks you to dance.
Where the flowers retain bloom from summer to spring
And the kiss from a rainbow causes your heart to sing.

Where the innocence of a child is never brought into question
And the fears they may face never involve a weapon.
Where every man, woman and child live together as one
And the days have true meaning with each rising of the sun.
Where the weeks are not counted by work days of seven
And the knowledge of where you are...truly is heaven.




[This message has been edited by Sally S. (edited 10-04-1999).]
© Copyright 1999 Sally - All Rights Reserved
Michael
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


1 posted 10-04-1999 09:22 AM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

Beautiful work, Sally, peaceful, eloquent.
This poem truly sings.

------------------
Michael Anderson

The coldest lies are often told in silence.


hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


2 posted 10-04-1999 09:33 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Nicely done sally

------------------
Man can not discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.
Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


3 posted 10-04-1999 09:37 AM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Delightful

Very good example of anapestic tetrameter. I do have some suggestions for easier reading, if you would permit such.

1) v2,5: omit 'each'
2) v2,6: instead of 'evokes', which has the same long 'o' as 'rainbow', try 'causing'
3) v3,2: omit 'are', change 'involving' to 'involve'

Please keep in mind that these are merely suggestions. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't critique it.

Keep on penning them, Sally.


Alicat
Sally S.
Senior Member
since 06-07-99
Posts 887
Ohio


4 posted 10-04-1999 09:45 AM       View Profile for Sally S.   Email Sally S.   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sally S.

Michael and hoot, thank you both for your kind words.

Ali...Thank you for your advice. I took it. It does seem better that way.

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


5 posted 10-04-1999 04:28 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Very beautiful words, Sally, well presented (and a lot of wa waa's in the acrostics)
Denise
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Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


6 posted 10-04-1999 08:59 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Simply beautiful! This simply flowed!

------------------
Denise
Sally S.
Senior Member
since 06-07-99
Posts 887
Ohio


7 posted 10-04-1999 11:35 PM       View Profile for Sally S.   Email Sally S.   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sally S.

My deer, I swear I wasn't whining!!!
(and I wasn't thirsty either...well, perhaps I was...huh, I dunno.)

Thank you, Denise.
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


8 posted 10-05-1999 01:34 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Very beautiful piece, Sally.
A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant
since 09-03-99
Posts 5497
Forever In Your Heart


9 posted 10-05-1999 02:12 AM       View Profile for A Romantic Heart   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for A Romantic Heart

This was sweet and spiritual, loved it! the acrostics..WA WA WA...was maybe the whinnings of the people who do not know where they are going? Heaven or hell?
Isis
Member Ascendant
since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


10 posted 10-05-1999 02:49 AM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

Spiritually uplifting is what I'd call it..:..

------------------
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny, compared to what lies within us.
~Isis~
(Daughter of Mystery)

Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
11 posted 10-05-1999 12:04 PM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

very beautiful piece indeed Sally......

------------------

May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams
Sally S.
Senior Member
since 06-07-99
Posts 887
Ohio


12 posted 10-05-1999 11:16 PM       View Profile for Sally S.   Email Sally S.   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sally S.

Again, my thanks to all of you. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. I really appreciate your feedback.
Soleil
Member
since 06-12-99
Posts 114


13 posted 10-07-1999 08:42 PM       View Profile for Soleil   Email Soleil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Soleil

Beautiful.
caroline
Senior Member
since 08-16-99
Posts 1251
http://members.xoom.com/bellad


14 posted 10-07-1999 08:51 PM       View Profile for caroline   Email caroline   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for caroline

A majestic piece of poetry, Sally. It is very uplifting, and beautifully written.

------------------
"Tread softly, for I have spread my dreams under your feet"~~William Butler Yeats
Tara Simms
Senior Member
since 08-12-99
Posts 1285
Honea Path, SC USA


15 posted 10-07-1999 08:59 PM       View Profile for Tara Simms   Email Tara Simms   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Tara Simms's Home Page   View IP for Tara Simms

I want to echo everybody else's thoughts on this. Absolutely beautiful!

------------------
It matters not how strait the gate;
How charged with punishments the scroll;
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
--W.E. Henley
Visit my poetry website: www.geocities.com/Paris/Musee/9954/


 
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