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Passions in Poetry

Songs of love

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Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


0 posted 10-02-1999 11:45 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Songs of love

In the winds of night and evening
Where lives the voice of lovers songs.
Clearly you can hear them singing,
As they weave along in throngs

They pass in whispers in the night,
Radar echoes soft but strong.
Rise and beautify the twilight.
Where they have been, all along.

And each one is of different sway,
Like the whales no two the same
Intercept how plain they play,
Different, except for final aim.

You can join them in the evening,
When in sleep you're free to fly.
You can add your song just breathing,
From the bed in which you lie.

But if you really wish to fly,
You may not use high octanes why?


[This message has been edited by Seymour Tabin (edited 10-02-1999).]
© Copyright 1999 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved
desperado
Member
since 05-24-99
Posts 361
FT Hood,Tx


1 posted 10-02-1999 01:24 PM       View Profile for desperado   Email desperado   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for desperado

I thought this poem was a light hearted attempt at some humor, yet it felt a little stressed at the last line where it becomes appearant. in the second to last stanza (maybe?) you put your and it needs to be a conjunction you're. it makes better sense that way (and I'm sure you meant it that way, but your fingers got away from you. mine do that some times as well). over all it was a nice piece and it flowed fairly well, but you do need to be careful about the little things that can come in and make your poem a mess.
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


2 posted 10-02-1999 01:28 PM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

Definitely a twist at the end, spiralling away from what I anticipated!
Good one sey!
Pufalove
Member
since 08-18-99
Posts 120
Houston, Tx. USA


3 posted 10-02-1999 02:23 PM       View Profile for Pufalove   Email Pufalove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pufalove

Because you get tooooo hurt! No pain, no gain. This on is food for thought. Good.
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


4 posted 10-02-1999 04:58 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Desperado,
You were right, made corrections, thank you for the read and comment.
Cristopher,
Thank you for the good one comment.
Pufalove ,
Thank you for the read and comment.
I enjoyed them all.
Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
5 posted 10-02-1999 05:12 PM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

you can sing to me anytime Sy........

------------------

May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


6 posted 10-02-1999 06:50 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Beautifully done!

------------------
Denise
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


7 posted 10-03-1999 08:00 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Here I thought this would be about wind's songs and other loves and then you twist the tail. You devil.
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


8 posted 10-03-1999 02:27 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Pepper,
Consider this one for you.
Denise,
Many thanks to you.
Sunshine,
The devil made me do it.
RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


9 posted 10-03-1999 05:03 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

Seymour: Certainly not with a match lit...*g*

So I'll continue dreaming..

HUGS

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

Isis
Member Ascendant
since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


10 posted 10-03-1999 06:22 PM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

Always a twist huh?.:.

------------------
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny, compared to what lies within us.
~Isis~
(Daughter of Mystery)

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


11 posted 10-03-1999 09:18 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

RG,
You just go on dreaming, thanks for the read and comment.
Isis,
You got that right, Thanks for the comment.
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


12 posted 10-03-1999 10:47 PM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Clever, clever. Great again!
Sally S.
Senior Member
since 06-07-99
Posts 887
Ohio


13 posted 10-03-1999 11:29 PM       View Profile for Sally S.   Email Sally S.   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sally S.

Not much more I can add here, Sy. So, you get a hee hee
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


14 posted 10-05-1999 10:49 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Just want to say thanks to,
Severn and sally.
 
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