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Passions in Poetry

Beautiful

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The Jackal
Member
since 08-13-99
Posts 427
Springfield, Massachusetts U.S


0 posted 10-02-1999 10:20 AM       View Profile for The Jackal   Email The Jackal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for The Jackal

you are what you see
you always stay beautiful
to me
ash to ash
and dust to dust
you wont leave me
but you must,you must
so life is very tough
must like the old hickory tree
from which they buried me
we try to rock heaven asunder
to then realize
that love will lose its thunder...



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© Copyright 1999 John Dixon - All Rights Reserved
Poet Lady
New Member
since 10-04-1999
Posts 7


1 posted 10-04-1999 09:10 AM       View Profile for Poet Lady   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for Poet Lady

This piece starts out ok, then loses something later. Perhaps you tried to hard on your rhyming...it has to just flow. Good effort and keep writing!!
Saxoness
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 07-18-99
Posts 1176
Texas


2 posted 10-05-1999 11:13 AM       View Profile for Saxoness   Email Saxoness   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Saxoness

I disagree. I think it is good.

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"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

-Charles Brugnot


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