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Passions in Poetry

The Path of Life

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toocute4u_27
Junior Member
since 10-01-1999
Posts 26
Holdenville, OK USA


0 posted 10-01-1999 06:16 PM       View Profile for toocute4u_27   Email toocute4u_27   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit toocute4u_27's Home Page   View IP for toocute4u_27

Walking along this dreary path of life
Occassionally looking back at all that I've done
I see times when the path was bright and full of love
Those are the times that you were with me
I tore us apart I know
And there is no turning back the hands of fate
Slowly I look forward at my path
A path of saddness without you
My path will never brighten again
Until the day that perhaps by fate
Our paths cross again
© Copyright 1999 Kerrie - All Rights Reserved
desperado
Member
since 05-24-99
Posts 361
FT Hood,Tx


1 posted 10-03-1999 02:45 PM       View Profile for desperado   Email desperado   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for desperado

this is a nice bit of prose. I think that all writers write one like this in some way or another. I certainly remember mine. not eloquent, it's simplicity speaks volumes. perhaps sometimes a simple word can mean much more than an eloquent one spoken in length. perhaps you could rework it though since the rhythm is, sadly, lacking in strength and steadiness. it's halting beat is accentuated by the shortness of the selection. please, rework this and solidify the tempo and the rhythm. you will find it a much better poem.
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


2 posted 10-10-1999 04:34 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Yes, this truly speaks volumes! Glad I found it! So many good ones seem to slip right on by!!

------------------
Denise

[This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 10-10-1999).]
 
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