this is a nice bit of prose. I think that all writers write one like this in some way or another. I certainly remember mine. not eloquent, it's simplicity speaks volumes. perhaps sometimes a simple word can mean much more than an eloquent one spoken in length. perhaps you could rework it though since the rhythm is, sadly, lacking in strength and steadiness. it's halting beat is accentuated by the shortness of the selection. please, rework this and solidify the tempo and the rhythm. you will find it a much better poem.