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Passions in Poetry

an attempt at Haiku

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Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


0 posted 09-30-1999 08:17 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Marilyn

I lay broken on the floor.
You don't see me there.
It is the Place you threw me.
There is no turning back.

You don't see me there.
Alone and weeping.
There is no turning back.
Where now is my future?

Alone and weeping.
Cold in the misery.
Where now is my future?
Walled into the horror.

Cold in the misery.
It is the place you threw mw.
Walled into the horror.
I lay broken on the floor.


OOopppss this is pantoum...an attempt at pantoum.

[This message has been edited by Marilyn (edited 09-30-1999).]
© Copyright 1999 Marilyn - All Rights Reserved
Denise
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since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


1 posted 09-30-1999 08:38 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Wow! This is fabulous! Loved it!

------------------
Denise
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


2 posted 09-30-1999 08:43 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

Denise I think you are my greatest fan!...lol...Thankyou for taking the time to read and comment on my work.
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


3 posted 10-01-1999 12:01 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Heaven knows, I'm not an expert on formats *G* But I don't think this is haiku. It is, however, beautiful poetry!
Sally S.
Senior Member
since 06-07-99
Posts 887
Ohio


4 posted 10-01-1999 01:05 PM       View Profile for Sally S.   Email Sally S.   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sally S.

I began to wonder...."What Haiku??"
But, the poem is great. (sad..but great) I wish I knew more about these formats. (Nan, I know....I knowwwww....I have homework to do!!!)

[This message has been edited by Sally S. (edited 10-01-1999).]
Lost Dreamer
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since 06-20-99
Posts 2589
Normal, Illinois


5 posted 11-06-1999 07:32 PM       View Profile for Lost Dreamer   Email Lost Dreamer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lost Dreamer

Good job no matter what format you call it. You expressed your feelings well.
Denise
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since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


6 posted 11-06-1999 07:35 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Yep, I still like this one! Good job, Marilyn! What is Haiku?

------------------
Denise

Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


7 posted 11-06-1999 09:53 PM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

Denise...once I figure that out I'll write a real one...lmao. And I'll let you know!
Watcher666
Senior Member
since 10-13-1999
Posts 1630


8 posted 11-06-1999 11:11 PM       View Profile for Watcher666   Email Watcher666   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Watcher666's Home Page   View IP for Watcher666

Nicely done!

------------------
Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.
Systematic Decay
Senior Member
since 09-15-99
Posts 1312
That place with padded walls a


9 posted 11-06-1999 11:42 PM       View Profile for Systematic Decay   Email Systematic Decay   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Systematic Decay

Marilyn, I like the content of this poem. Here is the correct form of a pantoum (standard 6 stanza), the numbers representing the lines, and letters representing the rhyme scheme.

1 A
2 B
3 A
4 B

2 B
5 C
4 B
6 C

5 C
7 D
6 C
8 D

7 D
9 E
8 D
10 E

9 E
11 F
10 E
12 F

11 F
3 A
12 F
1 A

Hope this helps (LOL I also hope I wasn't too confusing)

------------------
Thinking is just what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their predjudices.


 
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