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Passions in Poetry

the day of the knight

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mojar
Member
since 11-09-1999
Posts 171
granbury, texas, usa


0 posted 11-10-1999 10:52 AM       View Profile for mojar   Email mojar   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for mojar

castles in the distance,
banners and flags unfurled.
victorious black knights,
reap the spoils of war.

taken from your place of haven,
stolen from your world.
i will give my life to save thee,
till every stone has been hurled.

guided by the gods above,
i ride my trustful steed.
thy peace and thy safety.
my only deed.

enslaved by evil and moat,
i cometh to thee.
i surrender my shield and my sword,
for thou to be free.

i bequeath my love,
to thou painful plight.
for you are my guenavere,
and i your knight.

me.
© Copyright 1999 mojar - All Rights Reserved
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


1 posted 11-10-1999 10:58 AM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

Again this is poetry and this is the prose forum. Prose are essay type pieces. The place for this is open poetry#4.

A couple of comments on this one before I leave you. You switch between old english and modern. This piece would be better served in either one or the other. I think you have a wonderful idea for this poem. Capitalization would also help this piece. Enjoyed the read and Welcome to Passions.
DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


2 posted 11-11-1999 12:57 AM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

The distinction in prose and verse being hard to distinguish at times, I must say that prose carries no repetitive rhyme scheme and uses paragraphing rather than line breaks. This is a good piece, but really not for this forum.

------------------
Now and forever, my heart hears ~one voice~.
DreamEvilŠ

JennyLee
Senior Member
since 09-01-99
Posts 1478
Northwestern, NJ.


3 posted 11-12-1999 03:08 PM       View Profile for JennyLee   Email JennyLee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JennyLee

I really enjoyed this piece;it is not prose though,and would best be served moved to open poetry. Love the work .


Jenny

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Love is an attempt at penetrating another being,But it can only succeed if the surrender is mutual.

 
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