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Passions in Poetry

Bed of Roses

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Tara Simms
Senior Member
since 08-12-99
Posts 1285
Honea Path, SC USA


0 posted 08-29-99 04:07 PM       View Profile for Tara Simms   Email Tara Simms   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Tara Simms's Home Page   View IP for Tara Simms

Lay me down on a bed of roses,
Love me like never before.
Touch me like you really mean it.
Not like itís a chore.

Forget that Iím their mother,
Just treat me like your wife.
Remember that you love me;
Iím the one you chose for life.

Remember the way our eyes
Would lust after each other?
Long before our marriage bed
Was defiled by another?

Can we recapture the passion
And magic we once had?
Back when we were happy,
Before the memories turned bad?

Will I ever be able to erase
The memory of her in your mind?
Can I ever forgive you
For leaving my dreams behind?

You were all I ever wanted
I held our love so dear
Try as I might to save it,
Itís become perfectly clear:

Too much water under the bridge
We cannot contain the deluge
Youíve just lost all of us,
You thought you had nothing to lose.

Iíll never be able to look upon you
And trust you with my heart
My life, once my gift to you,
Has been torn apart.

I gave you all that I had to give
But it just wasnít enough.
I thought I lacked the strength to leave
But I know I can be tough.

Though it may hurt me
I have to let you go.
Iím a prize to be won,
Not a burden you must tow.

So I bid you fond adieu
As I walk out the door:
Head held high, shoulders squared.
I deserve much more.


[This message has been edited by Tara Simms (edited 08-29-99).]

[This message has been edited by Tara Simms (edited 08-31-99).]
© Copyright 1999 Tara Simms - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


1 posted 08-29-99 04:16 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Excellent. A tale of survival and courage!
(been there, done that!)

------------------
Denise
Robin
Junior Member
since 08-07-99
Posts 48
Cardiff, Wales, UK


2 posted 08-29-99 04:25 PM       View Profile for Robin   Email Robin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Robin

I like this, it brings out both the confusion and despair of a very personal situation. I would hope it's not a personal memory, but suspect it is. It is all too common and sad, but as you last stanza suggests, people can move on.

Having said that, if I may a couple of points on the poem itself rather than the feelings behind it. You have gone for a very rhythmic form, but you lose it on occasion. This can be done for effect, but it doesn't seem to work here.
for instance
"Too much water under the bridge
We cannot contain the deluge
Youíve just lost all of us,
You didnít think you had anything to lose."

Might I suggest the last line works better as
"You thought you had nothing to lose"

And

"I gave you all that I had to give
But it just wasnít enough.
I never thought I had the strength to leave.
But I know I can be tough"

The third line fits better as
"I thought I'd lost the strength to leave"

It's a shame to nit pick like this in such a personal work, but I did find the break in rhythm distracting.

Hope you don't mind the comments, nice poem

Robin
Tara Simms
Senior Member
since 08-12-99
Posts 1285
Honea Path, SC USA


3 posted 08-29-99 04:38 PM       View Profile for Tara Simms   Email Tara Simms   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Tara Simms's Home Page   View IP for Tara Simms

Robin, thanks for your input. I did notice it (after I posted, of course) in the 7th stanza and was planning on making the exact change you posted (great minds think alike, eh?). I hadn't noticed it in the other one, but looking on it, I can see it. Thanks again.
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


4 posted 08-29-99 05:02 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

All in all a tough situation! Nice job in getting the thought across! And your right, You do deserve better!
Elizabeth
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-07-99
Posts 7296
America the beautiful


5 posted 08-29-99 09:40 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

A bed of roses should not have to come along with the thorns. You do deserve better, Tara, and I hope that you find it.

------------------
*Elizabeth*

"Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low,
But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..."

moonmoon
Member
since 08-13-99
Posts 280
TX , USA


6 posted 08-29-99 11:50 PM       View Profile for moonmoon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonmoon


Tara, that was very well said..

Yep, you do deserve much better..I think the hardest part is getting to realize that..Once you get there, half the battle is done.. I could very well relate..!

Isn't it amazing how such beautiful work comes out of such difficult situations? Kudos to you..

------------------
"No one was ever ruined from without;
The final ruin comes from within.".....Amelia E. Barr


Tara Simms
Senior Member
since 08-12-99
Posts 1285
Honea Path, SC USA


7 posted 08-29-99 11:59 PM       View Profile for Tara Simms   Email Tara Simms   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Tara Simms's Home Page   View IP for Tara Simms

Thank you, everybody! That one was two years in the making, I walked out last October, after trying to work through it for a year.
Elizabeth
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-07-99
Posts 7296
America the beautiful


8 posted 08-30-99 11:14 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

You are a very strong person, Tara. Best of luck to you that everything will work out.

------------------
*Elizabeth*

"Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low,
But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..."

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