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Passions in Poetry

Love's Champion (dug out and dusted off)

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Colin
Senior Member
since 06-05-99
Posts 612
Callington, Cornwall, England


0 posted 08-27-99 04:08 PM       View Profile for Colin   Email Colin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Colin

Snorting
stamping
straining
eager for battle
dappled, mail clad, charger thunders into view
in clouds of billowing steam
spurred on by master's passion
rearing
turning
awaiting battle.

He pauses
grudgingly
tense from rider's fire
shaking snowy head
awaiting battle.

Sir Knight
suited in plates of steel
cloaked in whitest silk surcoat
holding ivory shield,
emblazoned with gilt wings of an Angel
dips his lance
to flame haired princess
receiving her token
freely given
then smiles
as he spurs his mount
onwards
awaiting battle.

Black Knave
armored in trickery
shielded by cunning words
rides slowly forward
awaiting battle?

The Champion
chuckling softly
turns his back disdainfully
returning to his love's side
and says softly
"MY Lady
I need not soil my lance
with his foul blood
for the battle for thy heart
was won long ago.
But know thee now
shouldst need arise
I, servant and champion
am here
awaiting battle."

------------------
I believe in fairy tales but then I'm just a silly romantic, what do I know?
© Copyright 1999 Colin Ramage - All Rights Reserved
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


1 posted 08-27-99 05:06 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

I could read this dozens of times and enjoy it every bit as much each and every time
Colin
Senior Member
since 06-05-99
Posts 612
Callington, Cornwall, England


2 posted 08-28-99 01:28 AM       View Profile for Colin   Email Colin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Colin

Thanks Nan! A compliment indeed *8) Your happiness from reading this is my happiness too.

Love the horsy btw *grin*

------------------
I believe in fairy tales but then I'm just a silly romantic, what do I know?
Terri
Member
since 08-08-99
Posts 82
Turtle Creek, PA


3 posted 08-28-99 02:48 AM       View Profile for Terri   Email Terri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Terri

I liked it...nice visual!
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


4 posted 08-28-99 08:10 AM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

This is a well crafted piece-- imagery creates a visual Camelot-- (I know this particular forum isn't meant for critique, so please excuse me if you aren't looking for any, but I think the "awaiting battle" line is unnecessary in all but the last stanza... where it works well.... I think it would be a more powerful poem without repeating that line.... what do YOU think?)

anyway, thanks for the read and I'll look forward to reading more of your work.

-dp
Colin
Senior Member
since 06-05-99
Posts 612
Callington, Cornwall, England


5 posted 08-28-99 08:55 AM       View Profile for Colin   Email Colin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Colin

Thanks for the replies Terri and Doreen. And no, I don't mind critique at all *8) I even welcome it.

You asked what I thought, so....

I gave that a lot of thought at the time I wrote the poem, and rereading it before posting for the first time. I decided that yes, the repetition was an integral part of the poem. I feel it adds a certainty to each verse, highlighting the question at the end of the fourth. So... that's why it's still there *8)

Thanks, also, for the compliments. It's nice to know that my words are giving others pleasure.

------------------
I believe in fairy tales but then I'm just a silly romantic, what do I know?


[This message has been edited by Eric Williams (edited 08-28-99).]
 
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