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Passions in Poetry

LongJohn's Hoover Has Y2K

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Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


0 posted 08-27-99 11:31 AM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Toerag

Lorelei said, "I just don't know,
Why our vacuum just won't go?
So if you have the time to spare,
Could you take it for repair?"
So LongJohn went to find a dealer,
Who might fix his vacuum cleaner.

But then he saw a magic store,
One he'd never seen before.
A big, bold sign above the top,
Declared it was "The Magic Shop'
And in the window it did say,
'VACUUM CLEANER SALE TODAY!'

A fat old man with long gray hair,
Think his name was Balladeer,
Prissed and danced out on his toes,
Plucked a rabbit from LongJohn's nose,
Beamed and bowed his ugly head,
"Can I help you sir" he said.

Before he had a chance to speak,
He twirled around on nimble feet,
To show a box upon the floor,
"Is this what you're looking for?"

The Vacuum cleaner packed inside
Seemed everything that he desired,
Control push buttons everywhere,
To keep one cool, to dry one's hair.
A switch for this, a knob for that,
A remote controlled computer-vac.

"How much said John, will this one be
And does it have a guarantee?"
"Guarantee?, came back the roar,
It's guaranteed for ever more,
Treat it kindly and it will,
Do all your chores with speed and skill."

He looked at LongJohn's gleaming eyes,
"Said you can have it at half price."
Then as he scribbled out a docket,
He pulled a pidgeon from LongJohn's pocket,
Laughed as though it were a joke,
And vanished in a puff of smoke.

LongJohn went home to Lorelei,
To show her of his super buy,
She pressed the switch marked "Power-On"
And then the motor hummed a song,
A screen lit up, said, "Detail Chore,"
And Lorelei chose button number four.

Smooth and swift then off it sped,
Cleaned the floors and made the bed,
Put the coffee on to brew,
Set up a tray with cups for two.
Then having done the things it did,
Rolled in it's box and shut the lid.

Lorelei beamed her joy and pleasure,
At LongJohn's buying such a treasure,
"I'll try it once again" she said,
And pushed a button marked in red,
Without her specs she failed to see,
This button said "EMERGENCY"

The state of the art computer screen,
Set up a high ear piercing scream,
Bells and whistles and sirens wailed
Lorelei faltered thus assailed,
And kicked it in it's noisey butt,
In an attempt to shut it up.

It finally stopped and there was silence,
due to Lorelei's kick of violence,
Then in great electronic wrath,
Whirled it's wheels and cut a path,
It took off in vengeful hate,
Hose was weaving like a snake.

First to go, her make-up set,
A string of pearls, then her cat,
Crystal, brass, her jewels and clothes,
All sucked up that snake like hose.
All her prized and treasured things,
Disappeared on air-borne wings.

It paused as if then to digest,
All the things it now possessed,
The screen read out, "Items Deleted,
Unscheduled chore is now completed"
Then like before, it finally did,
Go back in it's box and shut the lid.

Lorelei has left and made it plain,
That she's not coming back again,
LongJohn's Vac is doing fine,
Reveals new functions all the time,
It brings him breakfast now in bed,
Fluffs up the pillows at his head,
Runs the shower, scrubs his back,
A complete controlled computer vac.

Now LongJohn misses Lorelei,
But his vacuum will suffice,
There are some things it will not do,
I'll post them on "Adult" for you....


this was a poem I remember reading one time, and I just "Toeragged" it some...


[This message has been edited by Toerag (edited 08-27-99).]
© Copyright 1999 Toerag - All Rights Reserved
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


1 posted 08-27-99 11:39 AM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

oh...ha...hahaha....hahahaha....stomach hurting...ahahaha....lungs cracking....ahahaha!
Kelly
Member
since 07-03-99
Posts 153


2 posted 08-27-99 11:50 AM       View Profile for Kelly   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kelly

You're sooooo entertaining, crazy and clever. You have to keep posting in the open forum!
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


3 posted 08-27-99 11:51 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

ROFLMAO.... Sweets, this is hilarious!!!! Great Toeragging job... (Speaking of jobs, I may need one soon if I can't stop laughing long enough to pretend I'm working! LOL.) Double thumbs up!!
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


4 posted 08-27-99 02:33 PM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Do ya think LongJohn missed this?.....I figured I'd at least get a remark from him?
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


5 posted 08-27-99 03:27 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

I'll just pop it back to the top
till 'Deer and 'Ag pull out the mop.

------------------
Sunshine
Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ
Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


6 posted 08-27-99 05:16 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Hmmmmm.... I think Toerag forgot to take into consideration what day it is.... Long John must have been unable to tear himself away from Hooter's! *G*
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


7 posted 08-27-99 05:27 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

I have only one question for you...
Is insanity as fun as it seems?????
Lorelei54
Member
since 07-27-99
Posts 486


8 posted 08-27-99 05:30 PM       View Profile for Lorelei54   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lorelei54

LJA has been home with me today sweetie...and we have been busy..printing it out now for him to read!

Great work..we got a good laugh of out it..now tell me where to buy it...I wannna try it!!!

[This message has been edited by Lorelei54 (edited 08-27-99).]
RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


9 posted 08-27-99 05:34 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

Toe: I'm in no condition to laugh, it hurts! You TOERAG!!!...lol

HUSG

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.


caroline
Senior Member
since 08-16-99
Posts 1251
http://members.xoom.com/bellad


10 posted 08-27-99 05:34 PM       View Profile for caroline   Email caroline   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for caroline

A screamer this one is!!! *LOL*  

------------------
The only man worth your tears will never make you cry...
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


11 posted 08-27-99 06:03 PM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LngJhnAg

Toe

I don't think this poem is appropriate for ANY forum - lol - it is hilarious
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


12 posted 08-27-99 06:13 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I see nothing funny in this poem whatsoever! Old man with long gray hair, eh? If I did run a magic shop, I'd rub this coin and turn you into a jackass...Oh my God! It worked!!!


great job, you tumorless, er, humorless villan.
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


13 posted 08-27-99 07:27 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

This was an absolute riot! BRAVO *uproar* *applause*

Hey, and nice to meet you. I heard you wrote pretty good verse but haven't taken the time to read...... so sorry..... glad I finally did. Now I gotta fit in time to read some more.... you guys seem to write so many so often, I don't know how you do it. Mine are all stuck in the forum archives.... hehehe
Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 06-24-99
Posts 2655
Redlands,CA,USA


14 posted 08-27-99 07:39 PM       View Profile for Andrew Scott   Email Andrew Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Andrew Scott

Some days it just pays to be a spectator.
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


15 posted 08-28-99 07:44 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Ahhh, Toe... your description of Balladeer must have been too close for comfort! LOL.

Andrew: I want one of those vacuum cleaners so I can be spectator while it works! LOL
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


16 posted 08-28-99 10:23 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

This was great!!!! I laughed so hard I almost cried. The dang replies add to the humor too. I loved Balladeer's little tid-bit up there!!! LOL...haha

It has to go back to the top,
So the laughter will not stop!

[This message has been edited by WhtDove (edited 08-28-99).]
Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 06-16-99
Posts 3968
In the space between moments


17 posted 08-28-99 10:37 PM       View Profile for Alwye   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alwye

LOL, this is great!!! You had me laughing, that's for sure!! lol...darn you, now my stomach hurts!  

------------------
*Krista Knutson*

I see the world through the loving eyes of my heart, and suffer the pain of unfulfilled visions. -- Daniel L. Miller


PhaerieChild
Senior Member
since 08-30-99
Posts 1829
Aloha, Oregon


18 posted 08-30-99 10:49 AM       View Profile for PhaerieChild   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PhaerieChild

This is absolutely hilarious!!! I want one of them vacuums!

------------------
Words lay dormant in the recesses of the mind til called forth to a labor of love. By WildChild

RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


19 posted 08-30-99 11:00 AM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

That wouldn't have anything to do with the suction, would it.......oooops

Hugs

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.


bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


20 posted 10-04-2002 05:04 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Ah, the beginnings.
(i'd say more,
but my face has been sucked off)
 
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