Ala bam a
Lorelei said, "I just don't know,
Why our vacuum just won't go?
So if you have the time to spare,
Could you take it for repair?"
So LongJohn went to find a dealer,
Who might fix his vacuum cleaner.
But then he saw a magic store,
One he'd never seen before.
A big, bold sign above the top,
Declared it was "The Magic Shop'
And in the window it did say,
'VACUUM CLEANER SALE TODAY!'
A fat old man with long gray hair,
Think his name was Balladeer,
Prissed and danced out on his toes,
Plucked a rabbit from LongJohn's nose,
Beamed and bowed his ugly head,
"Can I help you sir" he said.
Before he had a chance to speak,
He twirled around on nimble feet,
To show a box upon the floor,
"Is this what you're looking for?"
The Vacuum cleaner packed inside
Seemed everything that he desired,
Control push buttons everywhere,
To keep one cool, to dry one's hair.
A switch for this, a knob for that,
A remote controlled computer-vac.
"How much said John, will this one be
And does it have a guarantee?"
"Guarantee?, came back the roar,
It's guaranteed for ever more,
Treat it kindly and it will,
Do all your chores with speed and skill."
He looked at LongJohn's gleaming eyes,
"Said you can have it at half price."
Then as he scribbled out a docket,
He pulled a pidgeon from LongJohn's pocket,
Laughed as though it were a joke,
And vanished in a puff of smoke.
LongJohn went home to Lorelei,
To show her of his super buy,
She pressed the switch marked "Power-On"
And then the motor hummed a song,
A screen lit up, said, "Detail Chore,"
And Lorelei chose button number four.
Smooth and swift then off it sped,
Cleaned the floors and made the bed,
Put the coffee on to brew,
Set up a tray with cups for two.
Then having done the things it did,
Rolled in it's box and shut the lid.
Lorelei beamed her joy and pleasure,
At LongJohn's buying such a treasure,
"I'll try it once again" she said,
And pushed a button marked in red,
Without her specs she failed to see,
This button said "EMERGENCY"
The state of the art computer screen,
Set up a high ear piercing scream,
Bells and whistles and sirens wailed
Lorelei faltered thus assailed,
And kicked it in it's noisey butt,
In an attempt to shut it up.
It finally stopped and there was silence,
due to Lorelei's kick of violence,
Then in great electronic wrath,
Whirled it's wheels and cut a path,
It took off in vengeful hate,
Hose was weaving like a snake.
First to go, her make-up set,
A string of pearls, then her cat,
Crystal, brass, her jewels and clothes,
All sucked up that snake like hose.
All her prized and treasured things,
Disappeared on air-borne wings.
It paused as if then to digest,
All the things it now possessed,
The screen read out, "Items Deleted,
Unscheduled chore is now completed"
Then like before, it finally did,
Go back in it's box and shut the lid.
Lorelei has left and made it plain,
That she's not coming back again,
LongJohn's Vac is doing fine,
Reveals new functions all the time,
It brings him breakfast now in bed,
Fluffs up the pillows at his head,
Runs the shower, scrubs his back,
A complete controlled computer vac.
Now LongJohn misses Lorelei,
But his vacuum will suffice,
There are some things it will not do,
I'll post them on "Adult" for you....
this was a poem I remember reading one time, and I just "Toeragged" it some...
[This message has been edited by Toerag (edited 08-27-99).]