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Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622
Ala bam a

0 posted 1999-08-27 11:31 AM


Lorelei said, "I just don't know,
Why our vacuum just won't go?
So if you have the time to spare,
Could you take it for repair?"
So LongJohn went to find a dealer,
Who might fix his vacuum cleaner.

But then he saw a magic store,
One he'd never seen before.
A big, bold sign above the top,
Declared it was "The Magic Shop'
And in the window it did say,
'VACUUM CLEANER SALE TODAY!'

A fat old man with long gray hair,
Think his name was Balladeer,
Prissed and danced out on his toes,
Plucked a rabbit from LongJohn's nose,
Beamed and bowed his ugly head,
"Can I help you sir" he said.

Before he had a chance to speak,
He twirled around on nimble feet,
To show a box upon the floor,
"Is this what you're looking for?"

The Vacuum cleaner packed inside
Seemed everything that he desired,
Control push buttons everywhere,
To keep one cool, to dry one's hair.
A switch for this, a knob for that,
A remote controlled computer-vac.

"How much said John, will this one be
And does it have a guarantee?"
"Guarantee?, came back the roar,
It's guaranteed for ever more,
Treat it kindly and it will,
Do all your chores with speed and skill."

He looked at LongJohn's gleaming eyes,
"Said you can have it at half price."
Then as he scribbled out a docket,
He pulled a pidgeon from LongJohn's pocket,
Laughed as though it were a joke,
And vanished in a puff of smoke.

LongJohn went home to Lorelei,
To show her of his super buy,
She pressed the switch marked "Power-On"
And then the motor hummed a song,
A screen lit up, said, "Detail Chore,"
And Lorelei chose button number four.

Smooth and swift then off it sped,
Cleaned the floors and made the bed,
Put the coffee on to brew,
Set up a tray with cups for two.
Then having done the things it did,
Rolled in it's box and shut the lid.

Lorelei beamed her joy and pleasure,
At LongJohn's buying such a treasure,
"I'll try it once again" she said,
And pushed a button marked in red,
Without her specs she failed to see,
This button said "EMERGENCY"

The state of the art computer screen,
Set up a high ear piercing scream,
Bells and whistles and sirens wailed
Lorelei faltered thus assailed,
And kicked it in it's noisey butt,
In an attempt to shut it up.

It finally stopped and there was silence,
due to Lorelei's kick of violence,
Then in great electronic wrath,
Whirled it's wheels and cut a path,
It took off in vengeful hate,
Hose was weaving like a snake.

First to go, her make-up set,
A string of pearls, then her cat,
Crystal, brass, her jewels and clothes,
All sucked up that snake like hose.
All her prized and treasured things,
Disappeared on air-borne wings.

It paused as if then to digest,
All the things it now possessed,
The screen read out, "Items Deleted,
Unscheduled chore is now completed"
Then like before, it finally did,
Go back in it's box and shut the lid.

Lorelei has left and made it plain,
That she's not coming back again,
LongJohn's Vac is doing fine,
Reveals new functions all the time,
It brings him breakfast now in bed,
Fluffs up the pillows at his head,
Runs the shower, scrubs his back,
A complete controlled computer vac.

Now LongJohn misses Lorelei,
But his vacuum will suffice,
There are some things it will not do,
I'll post them on "Adult" for you....


this was a poem I remember reading one time, and I just "Toeragged" it some...


[This message has been edited by Toerag (edited 08-27-99).]

© Copyright 1999 Toerag - All Rights Reserved
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
1 posted 1999-08-27 11:39 AM


oh...ha...hahaha....hahahaha....stomach hurting...ahahaha....lungs cracking....ahahaha!
Kelly
Member
since 1999-07-03
Posts 145

2 posted 1999-08-27 11:50 AM


You're sooooo entertaining, crazy and clever. You have to keep posting in the open forum!
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
3 posted 1999-08-27 11:51 AM


ROFLMAO.... Sweets, this is hilarious!!!! Great Toeragging job... (Speaking of jobs, I may need one soon if I can't stop laughing long enough to pretend I'm working! LOL.) Double thumbs up!!
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622
Ala bam a
4 posted 1999-08-27 02:33 PM


Do ya think LongJohn missed this?.....I figured I'd at least get a remark from him?
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
5 posted 1999-08-27 03:27 PM


I'll just pop it back to the top
till 'Deer and 'Ag pull out the mop.

------------------
Sunshine
Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ
Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow



suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
6 posted 1999-08-27 05:16 PM


Hmmmmm.... I think Toerag forgot to take into consideration what day it is.... Long John must have been unable to tear himself away from Hooter's! *G*
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
7 posted 1999-08-27 05:27 PM


I have only one question for you...
Is insanity as fun as it seems?????

Lorelei54
Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 458

8 posted 1999-08-27 05:30 PM


LJA has been home with me today sweetie...and we have been busy..printing it out now for him to read!

Great work..we got a good laugh of out it..now tell me where to buy it...I wannna try it!!!

[This message has been edited by Lorelei54 (edited 08-27-99).]

RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
9 posted 1999-08-27 05:34 PM


Toe: I'm in no condition to laugh, it hurts! You TOERAG!!!...lol

HUSG

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.



caroline
Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218
http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm
10 posted 1999-08-27 05:34 PM


A screamer this one is!!! *LOL*  

------------------
The only man worth your tears will never make you cry...

LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
11 posted 1999-08-27 06:03 PM


Toe

I don't think this poem is appropriate for ANY forum - lol - it is hilarious

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
12 posted 1999-08-27 06:13 PM


I see nothing funny in this poem whatsoever! Old man with long gray hair, eh? If I did run a magic shop, I'd rub this coin and turn you into a jackass...Oh my God! It worked!!!


great job, you tumorless, er, humorless villan.

doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
13 posted 1999-08-27 07:27 PM


This was an absolute riot! BRAVO *uproar* *applause*

Hey, and nice to meet you. I heard you wrote pretty good verse but haven't taken the time to read...... so sorry..... glad I finally did. Now I gotta fit in time to read some more.... you guys seem to write so many so often, I don't know how you do it. Mine are all stuck in the forum archives.... hehehe

Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA
14 posted 1999-08-27 07:39 PM


Some days it just pays to be a spectator.
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
15 posted 1999-08-28 07:44 PM


Ahhh, Toe... your description of Balladeer must have been too close for comfort! LOL.

Andrew: I want one of those vacuum cleaners so I can be spectator while it works! LOL

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245
Illinois
16 posted 1999-08-28 10:23 PM


This was great!!!! I laughed so hard I almost cried. The dang replies add to the humor too. I loved Balladeer's little tid-bit up there!!! LOL...haha

It has to go back to the top,
So the laughter will not stop!

[This message has been edited by WhtDove (edited 08-28-99).]

Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
17 posted 1999-08-28 10:37 PM


LOL, this is great!!! You had me laughing, that's for sure!! lol...darn you, now my stomach hurts!  

------------------
*Krista Knutson*

I see the world through the loving eyes of my heart, and suffer the pain of unfulfilled visions. -- Daniel L. Miller



PhaerieChild
Senior Member
since 1999-08-30
Posts 1787
Aloha, Oregon
18 posted 1999-08-30 10:49 AM


This is absolutely hilarious!!! I want one of them vacuums!

------------------
Words lay dormant in the recesses of the mind til called forth to a labor of love. By WildChild


RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
19 posted 1999-08-30 11:00 AM


That wouldn't have anything to do with the suction, would it.......oooops

Hugs

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.



bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

20 posted 2002-10-04 05:04 PM


Ah, the beginnings.
(i'd say more,
but my face has been sucked off)

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