How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #1 Archive
 True Love
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

True Love

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Nicole
Senior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


0 posted 08-27-99 03:12 AM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Nicole

Flowers sparkle with morning’s first dew
‘Neath cloud dappled sky within shaded pine
A tiny brook does gently woo
To its dulcet song we must resign

The wind in your hair is ever so tender
Your cavorts I watch in devoted repose
My love for you is a sweet surrender
A powerful force I could never oppose

Your locks are the sun spun gently in curls
Your eyes are the sky at its darkest hue -
Rimmed ‘round the edges with mother-of-pearl
My scion, my soul, my world…is you

Peace defines you, as it does the dove
You are my child, my one true love


------------------
"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with." *Mark Twain*
© Copyright 1999 Nicole Adams - All Rights Reserved
DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


1 posted 08-27-99 03:16 AM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

Awesome way to rock a challenge, my dear. Very, very, good in both form and content.

------------------
Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings?
DreamEvil©


Nicole
Senior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


2 posted 08-27-99 12:35 PM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nicole

thank you

------------------
"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with." *Mark Twain*
Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


3 posted 08-31-99 12:13 AM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Very loving mood expressed here, though I did have some trouble with scancion. I gather it was meant to be 4 beats, but there were some sticky spots. Try tapping your foot while reading aloud to catch any unmeant pauses or difficulties. Also, I noticed the switching between iambic and trochaic, though sans pattern.

Keep trying, and you will prevail. For further examples, might I recommend all of Shakespeare's sonnets? This would give you practical examples of the different tonalities, meters, and feet.


Alicat
Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


4 posted 08-31-99 12:29 AM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

"Your locks are the sun spun gently in curls"

What a beautiful line. I have no idea what the challenge was, but you wrote a darn good poem ... one with a sweet sentiment to boot.
Rating:

------------------
"Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus"
(Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.")


Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


5 posted 08-31-99 02:10 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Delicious. The only suitable word!
Nicole
Senior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


6 posted 08-31-99 03:32 AM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nicole

Hey-hey kilted cat man! Thank you very much for your observations! I'll most definately work on your suggestions.


Nochtdraco~Thank you very much! Three smiles even The challenge was to write a sonnet using the line 'the wind in your hair'.


Severn~ Thank you!
~one voice~
Senior Member
since 07-08-99
Posts 668
Billings, MT USA


7 posted 08-31-99 04:55 AM       View Profile for ~one voice~   Email ~one voice~   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ~one voice~

Satiate! You're back!!! Go on girl, with your bad self! I love this sonnet! Absolutly beautiful!!! I love your work!

------------------
~onevoice~

"She looked at her life
like lines, never-ending,
constantly forming,
reforming and bending."


Nicole will be notified of replies
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #1 >> True Love Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors