»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #1
»
Message In A Bottle (My 1st Pantoum...plese comment)
| Open Poetry #1 |
|
Message In A Bottle (My 1st Pantoum...plese comment) |
|
|
hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA 
|
Message In A Bottle A message in a bottle Upon the open sea Set to sail some years ago Found its way to me Upon the open sea Where winds and currents play Its course so unpredictable It came to rest one day Where winds and currents play ‘Midst waves, storms and debris Left to the deep blue oceans whims It found its way to me ‘Midst waves, storms and debris It washed upon the shore The message in a bottle Sent several years before It washed upon the shore The letter safe and dry And when I started reading it I couldn’t help but cry The letter safe and dry It told a haunting tale “My dearest Ruth...” it began My breath caught, my face went pale It told a haunting tale In writing I knew well He promised he’d come back real soon The day that he set sail In writing I knew well I read his final note He’d run into a storm at sea Where the waves they’d sunk his boat I read his final note A letter meant for me “I know I promised I’d be back But it seems I’ll die at sea” A letter meant for me “Please forgive me,” the words said “I won’t be coming back to you By tomorrow I’ll be dead” “Please forgive me,” the words said “You know I loved you so But I’ve drifted here for days on end And now it’s time to go” “You know I loved you so My dear I always will When I shed this mortal shell I will love you still” “My dear I always will Remember our true love I’m looking forward to the day When we both meet above” “Remember our true love” How those words they spoke to me As I shoved the note into the bottle And threw it out to sea How those words they spoke to me There standing on that shore I’d thought he found another love Those many years before There standing on the shore As I began to cry I watched the bottle drift away And finally said goodbye ------------------ "Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald |
||
| © Copyright 1999 Ruth Kephart - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Ruth, You are right to be proud of this verse, the sadness is palpable and strong. You have done well and that should put a smile on your face as it does mine. ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© |
||
|
Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Wow hoot, this poem has really touched my heart,brilliantly written. |
||
|
Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Hoot, I loved the read it's a wonderful poem but it's not a pantoum. Go to any dictionary and it will give you the format and description. You can make it one by changing the repetitions The dictionary will tell you exactly. Once again, a wonderful poem. |
||
|
hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Dream and Dark Angel....thank you very much for your praise of this work Seymore...smiles, I stand corrected, you are right I am wrong (wow, someone is going to have to mark that admission down on the calander :-) ), but thank you for your praise on this one. I don't believe I will be changing it though, because I feel really good about this poem, the first in a very long time ------------------ "Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald |
||
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
hoot: I love this... very sad... but brings much needed closure... great job! |
||
|
Dragoness Senior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 513 |
Hoot...this was well done.Very deep and moving.Loved it!  ------------------ Set you heart free and your mind will follow. |
||
|
hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Suthern and Dragoness...thank you for your kind words |
||
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I was on the edge of my chair, leaning in, biting a nail, not wanting to miss one word. Dang. A |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
