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Passions in Poetry

Message In A Bottle (My 1st Pantoum...plese comment)

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hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


0 posted 08-26-99 08:45 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Message In A Bottle

A message in a bottle
Upon the open sea
Set to sail some years ago
Found its way to me

Upon the open sea
Where winds and currents play
Its course so unpredictable
It came to rest one day

Where winds and currents play
‘Midst waves, storms and debris
Left to the deep blue oceans whims
It found its way to me

‘Midst waves, storms and debris
It washed upon the shore
The message in a bottle
Sent several years before

It washed upon the shore
The letter safe and dry
And when I started reading it
I couldn’t help but cry

The letter safe and dry
It told a haunting tale
“My dearest Ruth...” it began
My breath caught, my face went pale

It told a haunting tale
In writing I knew well
He promised he’d come back real soon
The day that he set sail

In writing I knew well
I read his final note
He’d run into a storm at sea
Where the waves they’d sunk his boat

I read his final note
A letter meant for me
“I know I promised I’d be back
But it seems I’ll die at sea”

A letter meant for me
“Please forgive me,” the words said
“I won’t be coming back to you
By tomorrow I’ll be dead”

“Please forgive me,” the words said
“You know I loved you so
But I’ve drifted here for days on end
And now it’s time to go”

“You know I loved you so
My dear I always will
When I shed this mortal shell
I will love you still”

“My dear I always will
Remember our true love
I’m looking forward to the day
When we both meet above”

“Remember our true love”
How those words they spoke to me
As I shoved the note into the bottle
And threw it out to sea

How those words they spoke to me
There standing on that shore
I’d thought he found another love
Those many years before

There standing on the shore
As I began to cry
I watched the bottle drift away
And finally said goodbye

------------------
"Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald
© Copyright 1999 Ruth Kephart - All Rights Reserved
DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


1 posted 08-26-99 08:53 AM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

Ruth,
You are right to be proud of this verse, the sadness is palpable and strong. You have done well and that should put a smile on your face as it does mine.

------------------
Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings?
DreamEvil©


Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


2 posted 08-26-99 08:59 AM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Wow hoot, this poem has really touched my heart,brilliantly written.
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


3 posted 08-26-99 09:03 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Hoot,
I loved the read it's a wonderful poem
but it's not a pantoum.
Go to any dictionary and it will give you the format and description.
You can make it one by changing the repetitions
The dictionary will tell you exactly.
Once again, a wonderful poem.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


4 posted 08-26-99 09:19 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Dream and Dark Angel....thank you very much for your praise of this work

Seymore...smiles, I stand corrected, you are right I am wrong (wow, someone is going to have to mark that admission down on the calander :-) ), but thank you for your praise on this one. I don't believe I will be changing it though, because I feel really good about this poem, the first in a very long time

------------------
"Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


5 posted 08-26-99 09:28 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

hoot: I love this... very sad... but brings much needed closure... great job!
Dragoness
Senior Member
since 08-07-99
Posts 525


6 posted 08-26-99 10:47 AM       View Profile for Dragoness   Email Dragoness   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Dragoness's Home Page   View IP for Dragoness

Hoot...this was well done.Very deep and moving.Loved it!

------------------
Set you heart free and your mind will follow.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


7 posted 08-26-99 11:51 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Suthern and Dragoness...thank you for your kind words
Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


8 posted 02-20-2011 02:20 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

I was on the edge of my chair, leaning in, biting a nail, not wanting to miss one word.  Dang.

A
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