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Open Poetry #1

The Sea's Safe Harbour

Seaangel
Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 167
Auckland, New Zealand

0 posted 1999-08-26 02:40 AM

my love and I
went to the sea
wrapt in our skintight coats,
planted feet up and down
beach where children built
fortresses
and battled
half-dreamt goblins.

we walked up and down,
wrapped our limbs
where bare skin
touched;
the sun melted on our faces.

the children went home to teas of
peas and chicken breasts.

my love and I remained alone
on a beach grown
silver white
and inky black;
the loving moon stript our bodies
the brine of our mouths
swept with the sea.

the sea swept in; the moonlight grinned;
my love slept breathlessly.

later I climbed the lookout
gleaming white and dark
and watched the ease of him
into the vast gut, baring
the sea's salt throat.

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

1 posted 1999-08-26 09:18 PM

Wow - I didn't know this side of you, Sea. Beautiful.

Seaangel
Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 167
Auckland, New Zealand

2 posted 1999-08-27 02:45 AM

thank you, Severn!
However, I was trying to end the poem on a slightly morbid note. The final two stanzas are meant to imply that "my love" falls asleep on the beach and is drowned by the incoming tide; is this clear in the poem or am I being too vague?? I would love any suggestions on how to finish this so that it is still beautiful but with the suggestion of death/murder colouring it. Help??

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