How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #1 Archive
 Sonnet
 1 2 3
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Sonnet

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
TheGreenPolarBear
Junior Member
since 05-23-99
Posts 41
Kansas


0 posted 08-24-99 06:42 PM       View Profile for TheGreenPolarBear   Email TheGreenPolarBear   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit TheGreenPolarBear's Home Page   View IP for TheGreenPolarBear

Sonnet

Oh radiant moon upon bitter night,
your glow tempting me with happiness and
looking down as my longings take to flight.
So I cry to you from this bed of sand

near an ocean dark that embraces black
to release me from my abandoned cell.
Into the world of light I must come back,
and your aged, weary smile knows this path well.

I've become alone in this empty place
with nothing but cold fires to hear my pleas,
and empty canyons to echo my case,
and bleak night dreams with eternal dead seas.

So I cry to you to show me the sun,
end this dark dream, show me my companion.

------------------
The Green Polar Bear

"The past is what we live the future for." -- Me
© Copyright 1999 TheGreenPolarBear - All Rights Reserved
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


1 posted 08-24-99 08:57 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

All righty, my friend..
You've got the rhyme scheme down for a Shakespearean Sonnet - and you develop a theme nicely - All you need to work on here is your iambic pentameter.....
You ask, You receive.....
DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


2 posted 08-24-99 09:50 PM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

Nicely done! I agree with Nan, like who couldn't. If I might suggest something, take the word "and" out of the 2nd stanza. It throws off the syllable count.

All in all, you did marvelously well.

------------------
Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings?
DreamEvilŠ


Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 06-16-99
Posts 3968
In the space between moments


3 posted 08-24-99 09:55 PM       View Profile for Alwye   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alwye

Great job, Green Polar Bear!!!!! I really enjoyed this!!

------------------
*Krista Knutson*

I see the world through the loving eyes of my heart, and suffer the pain of unfulfilled visions. -- Daniel L. Miller


TheGreenPolarBear will be notified of replies
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #1 >> Sonnet Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors