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Passions in Poetry

Critique My Grammar, Please!

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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


0 posted 08-24-99 05:36 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Critique My Grammar, Please!

Well, Sunshine, she’s done stepped in it again
by allowing out her non-poisonous pen,
she’s permitted her teachings to be her undoing
and now she’s received quite an A-- chewing.

“Are we looking in Critical Analysis?”
came the lowly sound of someone’s hiss;
“who cares for punctuation, or spelling for that matter
we can all go around acting like the Mad Hatter!”

“Sigh” sounds Sunshine, “now everyone thinks I’m mean,
and if not that, then they must think me a machine…
why, I’ve got faults, heck, I’ve put them out to be read,
and now everyone must think I’ve got bats in my head.”

So poets beware, Sunshine’s pen’s been put away
and from now on, in Open Forum, she will only say,
"that only nice comments will henceforth be seen"
but in C. A., she’ll be a nightmare’s dream!

24 August, 1999
©KRJ



------------------
Sunshine
Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ
Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


© Copyright 1999 Karilea Rilling - All Rights Reserved
Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


1 posted 08-24-99 06:36 PM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

How could anyone think you're mean, Sunshine ... I have not read this comment that you made, but I am sure that you made it with the best intentions ... LOL ... we all step over the line sometimes, and it takes a certain amount of grace to eat that humble pie ...

We still think you're a sweetie

------------------
"Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus"
(Now I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.")

caroline
Senior Member
since 08-16-99
Posts 1251
http://members.xoom.com/bellad


2 posted 08-24-99 06:41 PM       View Profile for caroline   Email caroline   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for caroline

I DID read your comment...and completely agreed with you. Nothing puts me off more than bad spelling and grammar. It removes the shine from the poetry. I think it is worth a few minutes with a dictionary to, as they say, get it right the first time.
You go, Sunshine!

------------------
The only man worth your tears will never make you cry...
wordweaver
Junior Member
since 08-19-99
Posts 26
south carolina


3 posted 08-24-99 07:27 PM       View Profile for wordweaver   Email wordweaver   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wordweaver

Take it from one who knows
your criticism is constructive and it shows.
You are in no way mean for your loving pen I have seen.
In my efforts at writing
I often fail to tighten up
The places I may have gotten sloppy.
So if you ever read my works and they seem choppy,
please feel free to constructively critcize me.
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


4 posted 08-24-99 09:12 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Well there sunshine, I didn't read the comment either. But some people just can't take constructive criticism. I wouldn't get to hurt over it. Most of us are thankful when we are told. I would rather see true constructive help, than what a nice poem, if it really wasn't. Ya know? I would rather help my piece. We can only do that with the help of others pointing that out.

Keep truckin with that pen!!!
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


5 posted 08-24-99 10:24 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Sunshine,
There is always a cloud that blocks the sun
But without them it would be no fun.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


6 posted 08-24-99 10:30 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

You folks are great, and it's with ease
that I say, thanks a lot, and please
go ahead and critique away!
For I was laughing when I wrote
this little ditty, and I've had my say!

------------------
Sunshine
Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ
Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


redwriter1
Member
since 07-22-99
Posts 476
Franklin, TN


7 posted 08-24-99 11:59 PM       View Profile for redwriter1   Email redwriter1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for redwriter1

"that only nice comments will henceforth be seen"
but in C. A., she’ll be a nightmare’s dream!

** errr, is there supposed to be a close quotation after dream!?

sorry.. j/k
(grin)
traveler
Member
since 08-17-99
Posts 122


8 posted 08-25-99 08:15 AM       View Profile for traveler   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for traveler

Oh no, Sunshine. Your comments are not only fair, but in my case, kinder than I deserve. I can't speak for anyone else, but please continue to provide whatever guidance you find appropriate.
Sunshine will be notified of replies
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