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Passions in Poetry

Stay With Me

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hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


0 posted 08-23-99 09:38 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

(Once more I have to appologize for the much to obvious rythym in this piece, it is another I can't help but almost sing when I read it the rythym being overwhelmingly strong...I'd definatly not classify this as one of my better pieces)

Stay With Me

Quiet whispers in the night
Time when fantasies take flight
And I find you here with me
Right where I'd like you to be

Tell me that it's not a dream
That things are just as what they seem
And when I wake with morning dew
That I'll find myself with you

Baby please don't go away
Oh, I beg of you to stay
For I can not bear the pain
To be apart from you again

If this romance isn't real
Please don't let my poor heart feel
Do not let it break in two
'Cause baby all I need is you

So invade my very soul
Let your feelings take control
Help make everything alright
Give me more than just tonight

Give me all your love and more
Give me all I'm longing for
'Cause baby, baby can't you see
That you belong right here with me

So I'll tell you one more time
In words and deeds and in rhyme
How very much I love you so
In hopes that you won't let me go

Baby please don't go away
For I want you here to stay
I need you right here next to me
Right where you're supposed to be


------------------
"Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald

[This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 08-23-99).]
© Copyright 1999 Ruth Kephart - All Rights Reserved
suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


1 posted 08-23-99 10:00 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

hoot: I like!!! It would make a good song, though.... but I don't think hearing melodies when reading words is a bad thing! *G*
DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


2 posted 08-25-99 11:28 AM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

Honest though you are about the rhythm, this piece reads very well. I think it would sing well, but I'm nearly tone deaf so I can't really tell.

------------------
Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings?
DreamEvilŠ


hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


3 posted 08-25-99 11:30 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Suthern and Dream...thank you both for your comments

------------------
"Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald
Balladeer
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Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


4 posted 08-25-99 11:59 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Obvious rhythm is a problem? Since when? Shall I say pardon me for breathing in a rhythmic manner, in...out...in...out...? Sould I pray for atrial fib? You just keep writing them, Hoot. We'll keep reading and enjoying.
Elizabeth
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Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-07-99
Posts 7296
America the beautiful


5 posted 08-25-99 08:06 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

Don't feel like you've got to apologize for the rhythm! You have done another great job, Hoot! Listen to Balladeer's words-I don't think rhythm is a problem either.

------------------
*Elizabeth*

"Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low,
But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..."
Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


6 posted 08-25-99 10:21 PM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

Heartfelt ... who can say that they have loved and not thought these same words..? I think the rhythm added to the piece, not detracted from it ... don't get in the habit of bashing your stuff before we even get a chance to read it !!


------------------
"Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus"
(Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.")

Dragoness
Senior Member
since 08-07-99
Posts 525


7 posted 08-26-99 04:08 AM       View Profile for Dragoness   Email Dragoness   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Dragoness's Home Page   View IP for Dragoness

Loved it!

------------------
Set you heart free and your mind will follow.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


8 posted 08-26-99 08:54 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Thank you everyone for your comments and in the future the critic in me will be a bit lighter on myself!!!
traveler
Member
since 08-17-99
Posts 122


9 posted 08-26-99 09:18 AM       View Profile for traveler   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for traveler

I found it very enjoyable ... yes, your much to hard on yourself ... thank you ...
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