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Passions in Poetry

The Case of the Five and Dimer Rhymer

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Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


0 posted 08-21-99 08:12 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I still recall that London fog roll down the street that night
Back in the spring of '93, if my mind serves me right.
Good Mr. Holmes, my trusted friend, had called me to his place.
I didn't know that it would be for Sherlock's final case.

"Ah, Witless!", Holmes called out to me - his customary greet
As I walked in from out the chill of foggy Baker Street.
"A curious case has come my way and I'm forced to depend
On cunning, wits, intelligence - and you, my trusted friend."

"You know, of course, of Long John. He's the butcherer of words
Who writes the most pathetic rhymes the world has ever heard.
There is a ransom on his head for murdering pure verse
But I've been hired to find a fiend who writes poems ten times worse!"

"Dear Holmes!", I finally blurted out, unable to resist,
"You know that Long John tops the twenty Most Unwanted list.
No man alive can write that bad and not remain in jail.
Should you accept this duty, Holmes, you're surely bound to fail!"

But nothing that I said - no threats - no questions that I asked
Were able to convince Holmes to avoid this futile task.
So, off we went, in still of night through foggy London town
To find a poet worse than John and hunt that creature down.

We asked the hoboes on the streets but they just simply laughed.
We asked the patrons of the pubs who all replied, "You're daft!!"
We checked the sewers - alleys, too.The hunt went on 'till dawn
But we could not find anyone who wrote as bad as John.

The opium dens we checked. We even crashed an all-night party
Hosted by that evil fiend, Professor Moriarty.
But all our hunts were fruitless. Sherlock ranted, raved and cursed
For every fact uncovered proved that Long John was the worst.

"Dear Holmes", I cried, "please let it go. This hunt cannot go on.
There simply is no one alive who writes worse than Long John."
But Holmes would not abandon ship. He simply walked away
And legend says he hunts on still until this very day.

Years later, I discovered that my friend Holmes had been right!
For, in a pub across town, on that same cold London night
The fiend he sought was saying,"Folks, now I don't mean to brag
But I'm the greatest poet born. My friends call me Toerag......."

© Copyright 1999 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved
IsabelleSkye
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since 06-27-99
Posts 262


1 posted 08-21-99 08:23 PM       View Profile for IsabelleSkye   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for IsabelleSkye

I had to drag myself off the floor from giggling so hard to type this reply..... TOO FUN!
I.Skye
Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
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Hurricane Alley


2 posted 08-21-99 08:29 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

LOL! Brilliant!


Lorelei54
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since 07-27-99
Posts 486


3 posted 08-21-99 08:35 PM       View Profile for Lorelei54   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lorelei54

Hurrah Deer'
Thanks for the great verse!
Emmy
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since 06-29-99
Posts 204
KY

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4 posted 08-21-99 08:55 PM       View Profile for Emmy   Email Emmy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Emmy's Home Page   View IP for Emmy

ROFLMAO!!! An interesting tribute, my friend! This one had me rolling!
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


5 posted 08-21-99 08:55 PM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LngJhnAg

'Deer

I am overwhelmed by your thoughtfulness, and by the fact that you would write this terrific poem and include me as the target. I must admit, you are correct, I am a poor poet by anybody's standards. In many ways, this comeuppance reminds me of the joy my fellow grade school classmates took many years ago when I tried to sing with them in class. My voice is only rivaled by mating cats and laughing hyenas. I learned not to sing where others may hear. I thoroughly enjoyed this poem, and I hope you have forgiven me for my former indiscretions. I am sorry you spent a part of your day for my sake.

As always, your servant,
poor old undeserving Long John
Balladeer
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6 posted 08-21-99 09:28 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

All indiscretions are forgiven...and, believe me, it was one of the nicer parts of my day. Your humblemility is overwhelming.
Craig
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since 06-10-99
Posts 882


7 posted 08-21-99 09:38 PM       View Profile for Craig   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Craig


Balladeer

Another great poem, I can't wait for Toe's return and the war of the words resuming.
Seymour Tabin
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since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


8 posted 08-21-99 09:41 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Balladeer,
Here here and I'll buy the mext beer.
My vocabulary lacks the finesse
to extol this comic dress.
Delores Hall
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since 07-16-99
Posts 358
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9 posted 08-22-99 01:42 AM       View Profile for Delores Hall   Email Delores Hall   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Delores Hall

This is great.
Terri
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since 08-08-99
Posts 82
Turtle Creek, PA


10 posted 08-22-99 02:44 AM       View Profile for Terri   Email Terri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Terri

Ahh, two with one blow...nice shootin', Bal.
LOL!


[This message has been edited by Terri (edited 08-22-99).]
Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


11 posted 08-22-99 01:15 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Thanks, folks.

Craig: I, too, am waiting!
Elizabeth
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America the beautiful


12 posted 08-22-99 09:03 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

ROFL, great! Can't wait to see Toerag's reaction I like the Sherlock Holmes allusion.

LongJohn-you can count on at least ONE of us around hear to keep reading your poetry!

------------------
*Elizabeth*

"Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low,
But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..."
Sunshine
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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


13 posted 08-23-99 10:14 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

What a case you have for these two!

------------------
Sunshine
Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ
Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


suthern
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since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


14 posted 08-23-99 10:25 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

LJA: I thought I'd told you my secret. *G* Sing with bagpipes! LOL. You can bellow your heart out and no one will hear/mind. LOL.

Deer Witless, you've still got the story all wrong
(I understand the confusion if you'd heard Long John's song!)
Sherlock was misguided in seeking his fiend -
Toerag spoke the truth... he's the best ever been!
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


15 posted 08-23-99 10:37 AM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Balladeer...Ummm?....Touching to say the least?....LOL
Poetwheel
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since 07-07-99
Posts 215
Canada


16 posted 08-24-99 08:00 AM       View Profile for Poetwheel   Email Poetwheel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Poetwheel's Home Page   View IP for Poetwheel

Brilliant! I must admit though, I felt this one was coiling like a snake, and I knew Toerag was going to be whipped in the end. Perhaps, though, this made it even more enjoyable. Love your work, as always

PW

------------------
Poetic Wheelbarrow
http://www.stormloader.com/poetwheel/den.html
ICQ: 44370408

wordweaver
Junior Member
since 08-19-99
Posts 26
south carolina


17 posted 08-24-99 07:11 PM       View Profile for wordweaver   Email wordweaver   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wordweaver

Truly enoyable. I desire to have half as much talent. Keep writing and we all will keep reading.


[This message has been edited by wordweaver (edited 08-27-99).]
Andrew Scott
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since 06-24-99
Posts 2655
Redlands,CA,USA


18 posted 08-24-99 08:31 PM       View Profile for Andrew Scott   Email Andrew Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Andrew Scott

Thanks for the continued laugh Sir Balladeer. Glad to find the war wages on to create such poetic treasures. Very enjoyable.
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


19 posted 08-24-99 08:50 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Never cease to amaze me Balladeer! Great job. Though poor ol' LJA, he has taken a beatin. You gave us all a good laugh!
Nan
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since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


20 posted 08-27-99 12:45 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Three pointer, deer.....
 
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