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Deb Lynne
Member

since 1999-08-19

Posts 180
Where blue skies meet blue ocean

0 posted 1999-08-19 07:56 PM

That little band of gold
You gave her on that day
Reminds her of your love
Whenever you're away

That little band of gold
Says she holds your heart
And that you are with her
Whenever you're apart

That little band of gold
Says you will be her friend
And stand right beside her
Forever to the very end

That little band of gold
With its color so bright
Is a constant reminder
Of the love that binds you tight

That little band of gold
Is a promise that you keep
And shows her that you love her
And your love for her runs deep

That little band of gold
Is not a ball and chain
It is a symbol of her love
That will surely never wane

That little band of gold
That you wear upon your hand
Says she'll always love you
And that she will understand

That little band of gold
Is a promise to your wife
That you will share your love
And you will share your life

The greatest gift of all
That comes from up above
Is that little band of gold
A token of your love

[This message has been edited by Deb Lynne (edited 08-20-99).]

Lost Dreamer
Member Elite

since 1999-06-20

Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow

1 posted 1999-08-19 08:14 PM

Deb Lynne, This is so beautiful, nice job.

jfreak
Member

since 1999-06-17

Posts 306
Yuma, AZ, USA

2 posted 1999-08-19 08:24 PM

A beautiful poem. I want to make that very clear. A very beautiful poem. I just have one or two gripes about it. Structure wise. I think you should have added one or two more words in a couple different stanzas just for more......umph. for example:

That little band of gold
Says you'll be her friend
And stand by her
Forever to the end

INSTEAD maybe this:

That little band of gold
Says you will be her friend
And stand right beside her
Forever to the very end

OR THIS ONE:

That little band of gold
Is not a ball and chain
It is a symbol of her love
That will never wane

INSTEAD maybe this:

That little band of gold
Is not a ball and chain
It is a symbol of her love
That will surely never wane

That is about it. Everything else is just written beautifully. I just wanted to share my outlook or this with you. You seem to be a very talented poet and I look forward to seeing more from you.

JFreak

Deb Lynne
Member

since 1999-08-19

Posts 180
Where blue skies meet blue ocean

3 posted 1999-08-19 08:29 PM

Thanks Jfreak! Appreciate any help I can
get. It does make it flow more smoothly.

Deb

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