Cottonwood, Ca United States
I look in your eyes,
seeing red haziness all over.
I want to come to you and ask:
Don't you love me enough to stop?
There's something that holds me back.
Maybe it's my conscience, knowing that,
deep-down inside, I know the real truth:
You love it more than me.
Don't I make you proud?
I try to do my best for you,
but i guess it't not good enough.
When I was little, I used to think:
My daddy, oh how i love him.
As i grow older, i see less and less of the man who i thought i knew.
People change, but did you have to change, Daddy?
Times were great when i was little.
We used to laugh and hold hands,
but now you laugh and I cry.
You may not know this, Daddy,
but when you are outside,
doing who knows what,
I lie in my bed thinking,
Why are you doing this to our family?
Tears roll down my cheek,
showing me that, I'm losing you even more.
You say you love me, is that true?
If so, why can't you stop?
Love is suppose to get us through hard times,
but if the love isn't there, what is?
I see the hurt and pain you are putting Mom through.
You fight constantly, blaming her.
You and i both know that's not true.
Brother goes on about his way.
With your yelling and put-downs,
no wonder he's never home.
Daddy, can't you see what you're doing to me?
I used to be Daddy's little girl.
Now I am not so sure who my daddy is anymore.
I just want things like they used to be.
Is it too much to ask you to go a day with you being staight?
Or is that just another wish or dream of mine?
Can't you see what is is doing to you?
You're not the same everyday.
It's like you're two different people.
You're happy one minute, and next,
You seem like you want to kill.
Day after day,
each little thing you do,
affects me in some little way.
The memories you make with me,
whether good or bad,
will stay with me forever.
Do you want your grandkids knowing you like this?
So the next time i come to you,
and see the red haziness,
what should i do?
Should i act like everything is fine, or
make a big deal and risk losing you even more?
I guess i should take one day at a time,
like i do now.
You have no idea what you are putting me through.
You won't have enough till you're gone and away forever.
And I ask you one last time,
You don't have to say anything,
the red haziness in your eyes tells me everything i need to know..
You love it more than you love me.