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Open Poetry #1
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Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

0 posted 1999-08-15 09:53 PM


Thou, love, a child of fickle humour art;
Thy nature is a mystery to me --
Upon an hour, thou Heaven's boon may be --
Upon the next, a malady of heart.

So how am I, a stranger to thy way,
To recognize thy delicate pretense,
To know the shield, the adequate defense,
That might thy felling stroke and conquest stay?

I trust thee not, tho' thou alone impart
The bliss that only dearest dreams may be:
For thou art better versed in cruelty
Than in the kinder virtues of the heart!

© Copyright 1999 Linda Anderson - All Rights Reserved
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
1 posted 1999-08-15 10:51 PM


Welcome! I liked this one as I'm a fan of Shakespearan verse. I read it out load and it flowed beautifully!

Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap
2 posted 1999-08-15 10:57 PM


Thank you DeVine, I appreciate the compliment ... I have been searching for a finishing couplet for this one for years, but thus far it has eluded me ...
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
3 posted 1999-08-15 11:25 PM


Oh,grand deceiver, show thyself to me
Unveil the cloak that hides thy mystery.

(or something along those lines?)

An excellent sonnet-minus-two. Your execution and choice of words are flawless.

Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap
4 posted 1999-08-16 12:10 PM


Ah, Balladeer ... I'm blushing!


Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
5 posted 1999-08-16 07:59 AM


I'm perhaps the biggest sonnet fan at these forums - And I'm really glad to see others attempting them..... More please?...
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navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #1 » Almost a sonnet? (comments/criticism welcome!)

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