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Carolina Girl
Member
since 1999-08-14
Posts 63


0 posted 1999-08-14 02:30 PM


To Be Loved

I love to be the last face you see as we say goodnight.
I love to be kissed by you in dawns early light.

I love to be the hand you hold when you want me near.
I love to be with you and hide when you want us to disappear.

I love to be the warmth you feel on a cold winter's day.
I love to be the ears that listen to hear what you say.

I love to be the body you hug as you leave every morn.
I love to be the needle and thread when your self-esteem is torn.

I love to be the love in your life, the one who makes you sing.
I love to be the one who loves you back, because of the love
you bring.

© Copyright 1999 Carolina Girl - All Rights Reserved
poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646
Arkansas
1 posted 1999-08-14 02:54 PM


Very nice form...rhythm is pretty close too...there are a few lines that are a beat or two off, but all in all it's a very nice little piece..! Good work !

------------------
- poet FemmeFatale

"The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet


Carolina Girl
Member
since 1999-08-14
Posts 63

2 posted 1999-08-14 03:05 PM


Thank you. I know nothing of form, prose....have never studied or read of different styles..I KNOW it shows in my poems! :-) But, I just spit out my feelings....now that I've found a site that can teach me and help me along, I won't mind working on it! Just bear with me, and I guess you can watch me as I learn! Thank you for your compliments! *hugz*
elvira
Senior Member
since 1999-07-06
Posts 936
California
3 posted 1999-08-14 09:18 PM


Welcome to the forums, Carolina Girl...you might want to check out the "critical analysis" forum if you seek constructive criticism




[This message has been edited by elvira (edited 08-14-99).]

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
4 posted 1999-08-14 09:23 PM


Any gal from Carolina is good enough for me. For not knowing much, your poem has some good qualities. "I want to be the needle and thread when your self-esteem is torn' is a particularly good line. We welcome you!
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