I stand here and watch as she walks out the door
perplexed at the reason, all I said was ‘you snore’
Her face went white, she started to yell
I backed up so suddenly I almost fell
I didn’t hear half of what she said
all I could think was ‘this relationship’s dead’
I was only half serious, I wanted to say
it was a cute habit, but she took it the wrong way
I walked around the house, thinking again
that I must be the worst of men
When I spied a note on the bathroom sink
written in lipstick, raspberry pink
"I don’t snore, you fool! Can’t you see
your last girlfriend did, that’s what you told me!
So you must think you’re sleeping with her
You’re a louse, a creep, a slimy cur!"
That night I went to bed for a quiet rest
knowing the sound barrier, my lover wouldn’t test
I awoke in the dark, it must have been three
and discovered that, the snorer was me!