How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #1 Archive
 The First
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

The First

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


0 posted 08-13-99 04:01 PM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

You are the first to love more than my rhyme.
Most everyone is here just for my verse.
I suffer from the ravages of time.
Burned or alone I don't know which is worse.

You are the first to talk to me this way.
I think that I'm seen as deaf, dumb, and blind.
No one else helps me with my life's disarray.
Daily and nightly you are on my mind.

You are the first to take hold of my heart.
I share with you every part of my life.
Despite what you see you've stayed from the start.
You've pushed aside the mask hiding my strife.

I'll let you see my dark soul at it's worst.
You know in that as well you are the first.


©1999 DreamEvil

------------------
Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings?
DreamEvil©


© Copyright 1999 DreamEvil - All Rights Reserved
Nicole
Senior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


1 posted 08-13-99 04:21 PM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nicole

I don't know what to say....thank you

------------------
"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with." *Mark Twain*
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


2 posted 08-13-99 04:26 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

DE: That sounds like a "first" worth keeping around! *S* When you find someone with whom you can share the good, the bad, the joy, and the ugly... hold on!
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


3 posted 08-13-99 04:28 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Good one, sir. But you know the old saying: "you can't be first but you could be next!" Is there a waiting list?
Gentle Soul
Member
since 07-12-99
Posts 274
Vinton,Ohio USA


4 posted 08-13-99 04:39 PM       View Profile for Gentle Soul   Email Gentle Soul   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Gentle Soul

this is a good one *hugs* I like it too.. you are such a good poet DE

------------------
Gėnt£ė¤§°ū£

~one voice~
Senior Member
since 07-08-99
Posts 668
Billings, MT USA


5 posted 08-13-99 05:25 PM       View Profile for ~one voice~   Email ~one voice~   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ~one voice~

Beautiful sonnet!

------------------
~onevoice~

"She looked at her life
like lines, never-ending,
constantly forming,
reforming and bending."


WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


6 posted 08-13-99 09:12 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

For me? Shouldn't have. haha
You have some great passion in your work.
Sure wish I could write like this. Great Job!
Dragoness
Senior Member
since 08-07-99
Posts 525


7 posted 08-13-99 09:20 PM       View Profile for Dragoness   Email Dragoness   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Dragoness's Home Page   View IP for Dragoness

Well done! I loved it!

------------------
Set you heart free and your mind will follow.
JP
Senior Member
since 05-25-99
Posts 1391
Loomis, CA


8 posted 08-14-99 12:02 AM       View Profile for JP   Email JP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JP's Home Page   View IP for JP

I'm not the expert on sonnets around here (Nan?), but this piece did not have it. Sincere message perhaps, but spend more time on structure. If you write free verse, look for flow and conveyance of feeling, if you are writing rhyme then work of meter, timeing and all that other structure stuff.

------------------
Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn.
JP


DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


9 posted 08-14-99 02:00 PM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil


For some reason I feel compelled, once in awhile,to write a piece like this. It takes quite an inspiration to write from a perspective that is less than dark, which could explain the roughness of it I suppose.

 
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #1 >> The First Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors