»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #1
»
BALD LONGJOHN (to the tune of "Big Bad John")
| Open Poetry #1 |
|
BALD LONGJOHN (to the tune of "Big Bad John") |
|
|
Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Ev'ry mornin' round nine ya can see him arrive, A few hairs less above his eyes, The 'gals' they behold him, he gives 'em all lip, Ev'ryone knew he just got off the ship... LONGJOHN Nobody knows where LongJohn called home, He just drifted into poetry and posted a poem, He wrote about kitties, his wife and "Toe" When he writes about Lorelei he simply glows, LONGJOHN Somebody said he came from New Orleans, Where he gotta-lotta gas from Cajun Beans, And passin' gas through-out this land, Sent alotta us Poets to the promised land, LONGJOHN He was named on a ship that was quite old, Before they had bathrooms, they used a wide commode, When all of the sailors needed to pee, They hung it over the side, and peed in the sea, HENCE; LONGJOHN Then came the day at the outhouse out back, When John was "squatting"..taking a crap, But the weight of his ass made the thing crack, And LongJohn fell through-from the place that he sat. LONGJOHN Thru the dust and smell of this man made hell, Down to the bottom old LongJohn fell, Grabbing at timbers and roots and muck, Everyone knew he was out of luck LONGJOHN They never reopened that worthless pit, Just placed a headstone on top of it, And on that headstone reads these few words: "At the bottom of this pit lies one big turd. LONGJOHN" [This message has been edited by rcarnell (edited 08-13-99).] |
||
| © Copyright 1999 Toerag - All Rights Reserved | |||
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
ROFL.... Love the poem, Toe. *G* Just a teensy tiny correction, though.... New Orleans may be sin city and filled with corruption, but it's simply a vicious rumor that LongJohn came from there! LOL. |
||
|
Poetwheel Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 208Canada |
Even though I don't know the song this is to the tune of..I still got a chuckle from it.  PW |
||
|
poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Oh Toe - the muck you write about is so Uplifting to read....gets a yahoo out of everyone ! LOL I really liked this, you silly poet you ! How long does it take you to write one of these? You must walk around with a pen in hand all day long!  ------------------ - poet FemmeFatale "The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet |
||
|
Dragoness Senior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 513 |
Great writting! ------------------ Set you heart free and your mind will follow. |
||
|
Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Well, some of what I write is off the top of my head.....(that tells ya something about my warped mentality ya think?....) Some of what's on here I'd already posted on another board...I rarely write anything down before I start posting...just type as I think.....I understand there's treatment for this, but I've yet to find the right doctor.....thanks. |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Almost perfection, stanza six, line one, change "dust" to "dung" and you'll have it made! [I know...for there are still some outhouses in Kansas, and believe me, for all of the dust in the air, if you fall through one here, it's not dust you'll be a'traveling through!] Bravo! ------------------ Sunshine Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I cried when I read this! What a wonderful tribute to your friend. Surely, if he's in heaven, he's smiling down on you now. But I'm also sure he'll make sure YOU don't go there when you pass on. He would only want the best for such a friend as you. Eternity in a place warm and toasty! |
||
|
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Toerag: However you write, keep on keeping on! LOL. |
||
|
Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
This poem is funny - and has very little taste. These are not the images I (or many others) appreciate (particularly right after lunch). I would appreciate it if any future poetry about questionable body functions be posted elsewhere. Thank you... |
||
|
Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Well, just don't eat beans for lunch man...your lady will love ya for it, but I hope you have a great day and end up with gas all nite..... [This message has been edited by Toerag (edited 08-13-99).] |
||
|
Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Yanno Ron....I'm coming to the conclusion that this forum really is for true poets only, and knowing that I'm not really one of those true "pros'....I should refrain from such silliness?....And, it's not a big deal, I do enjoy just reading all the wonderful work here..... |
||
|
Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
So Ron....your wish is my command...I will refrain from such BS....thanks for the comment though.... |
||
|
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Toerag: All of the comments but one about this poem were positive. |
||
|
Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Yea, but he's a Moderator.....and that makes him the boss....so I'll just read in the future....one in a dozen can ruin the whole bag yanno...and, he's probably right...yanno how crude I can be....and I'd hate to offend anyone of the sweet folks here.....except for Ron....LOL...so, I bid ya all adieu....it's been nice....alotta great poets and folks here.... |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Dear, you are welcome to come to the Adult Forum..I won't check your ID to closely! Maybe if you joined us over there, we'd get more readers too! |
||
|
Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
Toe, I'll see if I can dig out a few of my sillier poems so you'll feel a bit more at home. 'Course Balladeer, Nan, Poet deVine, and so many others have much better and funnier poems than do I - and there's plenty of them posted here, I think. Silly is good. Fun is good. But neither silly nor fun has to depend on shock value to get a laugh. Hey, I like Eddie Murphy! I just wouldn't invite him to do his stand-up routine at the 9th grade assembly or in front of the PTA. I'll be honest with you: this poem really ain't all that lacking in taste. It's funny (and to one of my favorite tunes!). Had not the poetry of late crossed that invisible line between a GP and R rating, I probably wouldn't have batted an eye at it (even after a heavy lunch). But that line has been crossed. And like so many other times in life, when people start taking advantage and going just a tad too far, the "reaction" is often an over-reaction. I really, really don't want to over-react. Hell, I don't want to even have to react. I just want to come here to read good poetry and know that just about any visitor to Passions can do the same without being offended. Bottom line: I hope you'll continue to post and comment, and I hope you'll continue to be your funny, hilarious self. Be yourself! All I ask is that if you would be uncomfortable reciting your poem in front of your grandmother or the PTA, post it in the Adult Forum instead of here. People will still read it, but they'll be doing so with the understanding the material isn't for the faint of heart or weak of stomach. Shoot, you might even drive up the traffic to that part of Passions. |
||
|
Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Well Ron, it's really all that "LongJohn's" fault yanno.....Before I met him I was considering becoming a Holiness Preacher....and then, one thing led to another....LongJohn took me to Hooters...and I've been heading to hell on a bob-sled ever since! |
||
|
Carolina Girl Member
since 1999-08-14
Posts 63 |
yanno, I tried to go to the adult, (ya knew I would! lol!), and it says to email for password...but doesn't tell me where to email... Ok, guys, help me! Yanno I have a rated R stamped on some of my poetry... |
||
|
LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Ron - don't trust him!! I once did, and now I'm on my second marriage! - lol - lil Lorelei is thumping me for that one! Toerag had nothing to do with any of that - but I couldn't resist getting a loving thump outta my Lorelei. |
||
|
Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Yea, and that's what caught LongJohn's eye with Lorelei to begin with....Those two big loving "thumps" she has on her chest!!! |
||
|
Lorelei54 Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 458 |
I beg your grace little Toerag Who's been talking about my chest I ask? You better tell fast!!LOL |
||
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I can't believe that I was actually singing this song .. and laughing so damn hard. A |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
