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Passions in Poetry

BALD LONGJOHN (to the tune of "Big Bad John")

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Toerag
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since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


0 posted 08-13-99 07:59 AM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Toerag

Ev'ry mornin' round nine ya can see him arrive,
A few hairs less above his eyes,
The 'gals' they behold him, he gives 'em all lip,
Ev'ryone knew he just got off the ship...
LONGJOHN

Nobody knows where LongJohn called home,
He just drifted into poetry and posted a poem,
He wrote about kitties, his wife and "Toe"
When he writes about Lorelei he simply glows,
LONGJOHN

Somebody said he came from New Orleans,
Where he gotta-lotta gas from Cajun Beans,
And passin' gas through-out this land,
Sent alotta us Poets to the promised land,
LONGJOHN

He was named on a ship that was quite old,
Before they had bathrooms, they used a wide commode,
When all of the sailors needed to pee,
They hung it over the side, and peed in the sea,
HENCE; LONGJOHN

Then came the day at the outhouse out back,
When John was "squatting"..taking a crap,
But the weight of his ass made the thing crack,
And LongJohn fell through-from the place that he sat.
LONGJOHN

Thru the dust and smell of this man made hell,
Down to the bottom old LongJohn fell,
Grabbing at timbers and roots and muck,
Everyone knew he was out of luck
LONGJOHN

They never reopened that worthless pit,
Just placed a headstone on top of it,
And on that headstone reads these few words:
"At the bottom of this pit lies one big turd.
LONGJOHN"




[This message has been edited by rcarnell (edited 08-13-99).]
© Copyright 1999 Toerag - All Rights Reserved
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
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since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


1 posted 08-13-99 08:16 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

ROFL.... Love the poem, Toe. *G* Just a teensy tiny correction, though.... New Orleans may be sin city and filled with corruption, but it's simply a vicious rumor that LongJohn came from there! LOL.
Poetwheel
Member
since 07-07-99
Posts 215
Canada


2 posted 08-13-99 08:52 AM       View Profile for Poetwheel   Email Poetwheel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Poetwheel's Home Page   View IP for Poetwheel

Even though I don't know the song this is to the tune of..I still got a chuckle from it.


PW
poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 07-25-99
Posts 2961
Arkansas


3 posted 08-13-99 09:04 AM       View Profile for poetFemmeFatale   Email poetFemmeFatale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for poetFemmeFatale

Oh Toe - the muck you write about is so Uplifting to read....gets a yahoo out of everyone ! LOL I really liked this, you silly poet you ! How long does it take you to write one of these? You must walk around with a pen in hand all day long!

------------------
- poet FemmeFatale

"The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet

Dragoness
Senior Member
since 08-07-99
Posts 525


4 posted 08-13-99 09:53 AM       View Profile for Dragoness   Email Dragoness   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Dragoness's Home Page   View IP for Dragoness

Great writting!

------------------
Set you heart free and your mind will follow.
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


5 posted 08-13-99 12:22 PM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Well, some of what I write is off the top of my head.....(that tells ya something about my warped mentality ya think?....) Some of what's on here I'd already posted on another board...I rarely write anything down before I start posting...just type as I think.....I understand there's treatment for this, but I've yet to find the right doctor.....thanks.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


6 posted 08-13-99 01:33 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Almost perfection, stanza six, line one, change "dust" to "dung" and you'll have it made! [I know...for there are still some outhouses in Kansas, and believe me, for all of the dust in the air, if you fall through one here, it's not dust you'll be a'traveling through!] Bravo!

------------------
Sunshine
Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ
Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


Poet deVine
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Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


7 posted 08-13-99 01:39 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

I cried when I read this! What a wonderful tribute to your friend. Surely, if he's in heaven, he's smiling down on you now. But I'm also sure he'll make sure YOU don't go there when you pass on. He would only want the best for such a friend as you. Eternity in a place warm and toasty!
suthern
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since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


8 posted 08-13-99 01:42 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Toerag: However you write, keep on keeping on! LOL.
Ron
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Member Rara Avis
since 05-19-99
Posts 9708
Michigan, US


9 posted 08-13-99 03:34 PM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

This poem is funny - and has very little taste. These are not the images I (or many others) appreciate (particularly right after lunch). I would appreciate it if any future poetry about questionable body functions be posted elsewhere.

Thank you...
Toerag
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since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


10 posted 08-13-99 03:41 PM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Well, just don't eat beans for lunch man...your lady will love ya for it, but I hope you have a great day and end up with gas all nite.....

[This message has been edited by Toerag (edited 08-13-99).]
Toerag
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since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


11 posted 08-13-99 04:07 PM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Yanno Ron....I'm coming to the conclusion that this forum really is for true poets only, and knowing that I'm not really one of those true "pros'....I should refrain from such silliness?....And, it's not a big deal, I do enjoy just reading all the wonderful work here.....
Toerag
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since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


12 posted 08-13-99 04:08 PM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

So Ron....your wish is my command...I will refrain from such BS....thanks for the comment though....
suthern
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since 07-29-99
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on the threshold of a dream


13 posted 08-13-99 04:15 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Toerag: All of the comments but one about this poem were positive.
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


14 posted 08-13-99 04:30 PM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Yea, but he's a Moderator.....and that makes him the boss....so I'll just read in the future....one in a dozen can ruin the whole bag yanno...and, he's probably right...yanno how crude I can be....and I'd hate to offend anyone of the sweet folks here.....except for Ron....LOL...so, I bid ya all adieu....it's been nice....alotta great poets and folks here....
Poet deVine
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15 posted 08-13-99 04:32 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Dear, you are welcome to come to the Adult Forum..I won't check your ID to closely! Maybe if you joined us over there, we'd get more readers too!
Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 05-19-99
Posts 9708
Michigan, US


16 posted 08-13-99 04:37 PM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

Toe, I'll see if I can dig out a few of my sillier poems so you'll feel a bit more at home. 'Course Balladeer, Nan, Poet deVine, and so many others have much better and funnier poems than do I - and there's plenty of them posted here, I think.

Silly is good. Fun is good. But neither silly nor fun has to depend on shock value to get a laugh. Hey, I like Eddie Murphy! I just wouldn't invite him to do his stand-up routine at the 9th grade assembly or in front of the PTA.

I'll be honest with you: this poem really ain't all that lacking in taste. It's funny (and to one of my favorite tunes!). Had not the poetry of late crossed that invisible line between a GP and R rating, I probably wouldn't have batted an eye at it (even after a heavy lunch). But that line has been crossed. And like so many other times in life, when people start taking advantage and going just a tad too far, the "reaction" is often an over-reaction. I really, really don't want to over-react. Hell, I don't want to even have to react. I just want to come here to read good poetry and know that just about any visitor to Passions can do the same without being offended.

Bottom line: I hope you'll continue to post and comment, and I hope you'll continue to be your funny, hilarious self. Be yourself! All I ask is that if you would be uncomfortable reciting your poem in front of your grandmother or the PTA, post it in the Adult Forum instead of here. People will still read it, but they'll be doing so with the understanding the material isn't for the faint of heart or weak of stomach. Shoot, you might even drive up the traffic to that part of Passions.
Toerag
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since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


17 posted 08-14-99 10:53 AM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Well Ron, it's really all that "LongJohn's" fault yanno.....Before I met him I was considering becoming a Holiness Preacher....and then, one thing led to another....LongJohn took me to Hooters...and I've been heading to hell on a bob-sled ever since!
Carolina Girl
Member
since 08-14-99
Posts 65


18 posted 08-14-99 11:15 AM       View Profile for Carolina Girl   Email Carolina Girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Carolina Girl

yanno, I tried to go to the adult, (ya knew I would! lol!), and it says to email for password...but doesn't tell me where to email... Ok, guys, help me! Yanno I have a rated R stamped on some of my poetry...
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


19 posted 08-14-99 11:21 AM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LngJhnAg

Ron - don't trust him!! I once did, and now I'm on my second marriage! - lol - lil Lorelei is thumping me for that one! Toerag had nothing to do with any of that - but I couldn't resist getting a loving thump outta my Lorelei.
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 07-29-99
Posts 5839
Ala bam a


20 posted 08-14-99 11:25 AM       View Profile for Toerag   Email Toerag   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Toerag

Yea, and that's what caught LongJohn's eye with Lorelei to begin with....Those two big loving "thumps" she has on her chest!!!
Lorelei54
Member
since 07-27-99
Posts 486


21 posted 08-14-99 05:53 PM       View Profile for Lorelei54   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lorelei54

I beg your grace little Toerag
Who's been talking about my chest I ask?
You better tell fast!!LOL
Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


22 posted 02-19-2011 10:02 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

I can't believe that I was actually singing this song .. and laughing so damn hard.

A
 
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