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Passions in Poetry

The Cycle of Violence

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DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


0 posted 08-12-99 02:34 PM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

I know how I
became what I am,
hard, abusive
and sadistic.
Believing I don't
would be a sham,
I'm not
that nihilistic.

It's truly late
for introspection,
I'm already in jail.
I don't have time
for self-deception,
lies serve me
to no avail.

I will tell you
all that I have done,
then I will
tell you all why.
Once I was caught
with my father's gun,
all he did at first
was sigh.

He picked it up
and aimed at my head,
knowing
that it was loaded.
At eight years old
I thought I was dead,
why had he felt
so goaded?

He asked why
I didn't like this game,
as he pulled back
the trigger.
I nearly wet myself
in my shame,
I couldn't run,
go figure.

I would watch
while he beat my mother,
eyes lit up
while he did so.
With each punch
he said that he loved her,
he kept on
kicking her though.

She would grovel
and beg him to stay,
I
just wanted him to leave.
He reached for her
in that gentle way,
that mom
would always believe.

My contempt for women
is complete,
they each deserve
what they get.
Women will fall
for any deceit,
their pain
they quickly forget.

The girlfriends I've had
were used for sex,
they weren't worth
anything more.
I broke hearts just
to watch the effects,
each one
just evened the score.

Then one woman
threw me for a loop,
she was always
on my mind.
I fell for her
like a common dupe,
still I thought
she was a find.

My love life with her
was truly great,
even
when she was with child.
With marriage
we did not hesitate,
even my temper
grew mild.

She got on my nerves
as time went on,
her lovely voice
became shrill.
I looked for excuses
to be gone,
just touching her
made me ill.

The baby
would incessantly cry,
driving me almost
to tears.
Though sometimes
I wanted him to die,
that was
my greatest of fears.

When her provoking me
went too far,
my hard backhand
split her lip.
I saw her blood
and ran for the car,
with each beat
my heart did skip.

Once home she asked
me to forgive her,
it was all her fault
she knew.
She feared
she would become a spinster,
I told her
I knew it too.

That first blow
woke up my sleeping Beast,
it fed
on causing her pain.
I only bruised her
to say the least,
holding back
was such a strain.

She had proved my point
about females,
they justified
every blow.
Hitting them
only balanced the scales,
this dark truth
I surely know.

This last time though
I just couldn't stop,
each blow filled me
full of glee.
When her bruised body
started to flop,
my rage
was all I could see.

Now I can see
where my life went wrong,
a changed man
is what I'll be.
I will never sing
that same old song,
of my hate and rage
I'm free.

She just called me
on the telephone,
there's one
on the wall in jail.
She said that she can't
live on her own,
so she went
and paid my bail.

The cycle of violence
goes on,
one day my son
will be me.
That conclusion you know
is foregone,
though I wish
it wouldn't be.


©1999 DreamEvil


------------------
Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings?
DreamEvil©


© Copyright 1999 DreamEvil - All Rights Reserved
DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


1 posted 08-12-99 02:37 PM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

I want everyone to know that this was very difficult to write for me. It is a composite of several old friends whose rage and acceptance of it, I've only recently come to understand. I truly wish I didn't. I grief for these men and for the women who can not leave them.

------------------
Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings?
DreamEvil©


Gentle Soul
Member
since 07-12-99
Posts 274
Vinton,Ohio USA


2 posted 08-12-99 02:43 PM       View Profile for Gentle Soul   Email Gentle Soul   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Gentle Soul

Oh love.. this is beauty.. I felt the pain brother... *hugs* Im very proud of you.. I really really am.. *hugs* yur so special

------------------
Gėnt£ė¤§°ū£

Gentle Soul
Member
since 07-12-99
Posts 274
Vinton,Ohio USA


3 posted 08-12-99 03:02 PM       View Profile for Gentle Soul   Email Gentle Soul   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Gentle Soul

What I meant by the beauty.. is how it is written.. not the pain.. I dont want no one to think I thought the pain was beauty.. but DE.. yur passion and feeling in yur poetry is what is beautiful.. and I love it.. and everything you do

------------------
Gėnt£ė¤§°ū£

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


4 posted 08-12-99 05:32 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Let me tell ya I just wanted to cry my eyes out when I read this. Not only can I imagine that it was difficult to write, but it was difficult to read for me. It brought back so many bad memories. It is the lack of self worth that women have that makes them stay where they are. They need to quit looking to others to make them feel good. They are in fear and very often feel they have no place to go. The abuser makes them feel as if it's all thier fault and that's what they deserved. But it isn't!!!
I have been in this situation, and I can totally relate to what it is saying.
You have done a great job portraying this.
You do have quite a passion in your words.

These ones need to stop and do what they can to break this deadly cycle.

[This message has been edited by WhtDove (edited 08-12-99).]
elvira
Senior Member
since 07-06-99
Posts 985
California


5 posted 08-12-99 06:08 PM       View Profile for elvira   Email elvira   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for elvira

i usually don't make it to the end of longer pieces, yet this one drew me in...sadness and truth, well woven into a poem Dream
Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 06-16-99
Posts 3968
In the space between moments


6 posted 08-13-99 12:10 AM       View Profile for Alwye   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alwye

The pain in this piece was almost a tangible thing...excellent piece, Dream.

------------------
*Krista Knutson*

"Your kiss upon my face feels like a brush with grace, baby thats all it takes to take me higher..." SHeDaisy
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


7 posted 08-13-99 12:33 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

I can understand how that would have been difficult to write, I really can. My Dad was abusive, to my mother and I - two helpless females as it were. They divorced after I left home (young) and for 2 years, I never saw or spoke to my Dad. Now, he is 50. He has stopped smoking, drinking, has even become a vegetarian - in part due to a lovely woman he met. They have been together for 2 years and he's changing(ed), for good, I think. So, the reason for this ramble is that I know and can affirm to you that the cycle can be broken. Great work again, although a tough topic to read.
Delores Hall
Member
since 07-16-99
Posts 358
USA


8 posted 08-13-99 12:57 AM       View Profile for Delores Hall   Email Delores Hall   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Delores Hall

Very powerful poem.
Nicole
Senior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


9 posted 08-13-99 02:17 AM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nicole

Such a strong and menacing poem. Very disturbing, but very well written.

------------------
"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with." *Mark Twain*
Dragoness
Senior Member
since 08-07-99
Posts 525


10 posted 08-13-99 09:43 AM       View Profile for Dragoness   Email Dragoness   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Dragoness's Home Page   View IP for Dragoness

Well written,a very powerful poem.As much of this I see,I have never understood before...but know I get a little better prespective.Love Ya!

------------------
Set you heart free and your mind will follow.
Michael
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


11 posted 08-13-99 09:57 AM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

This is a very gripping poem DreamEvil. Coming from a house where abuse was prevalent I want to tell you that I'm glad you shared this perspective with us.
A truly powerful piece.
RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


12 posted 08-13-99 10:06 AM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

This was so well written it took me back in time, an evil time, one where survival can make you do the most unimaginable things...so I'm not sure whether to say it's good or bad but I guess it must be good to have the power to unlock time...

Hugs

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.


~one voice~
Senior Member
since 07-08-99
Posts 668
Billings, MT USA


13 posted 08-13-99 01:39 PM       View Profile for ~one voice~   Email ~one voice~   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ~one voice~

Dream, I do believe you put a lot of effort in to this well-written piece, though it disturbs me greatly.

------------------
~onevoice~

"She looked at her life
like lines, never-ending,
constantly forming,
reforming and bending."


DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


14 posted 08-13-99 03:58 PM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

Disturbing is the least of what I tried to invoke. Rage, anger, pity, and understanding for both sides are the things that I wished to create. I can't say thank you for responding to this because in my heart I hoped that no one would identify with it. Sadly, I know that many do.

[This message has been edited by DreamEvil (edited 08-14-99).]
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


15 posted 08-13-99 09:06 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

To your note there Dream, I had to say that if it did bring one thing up it was anger...then hurt. I wish no one could identify with it either. The thing is that you had the determination to go ahead and write this even though it was difficult. And people that can relate, sometimes it just help to know that someone else out there feels the same or is going through the same thing. God Bless you for doing this piece.
JP
Senior Member
since 05-25-99
Posts 1391
Loomis, CA


16 posted 08-13-99 11:58 PM       View Profile for JP   Email JP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JP's Home Page   View IP for JP

I feel the anger, the rage,the helplessness, the shame, the fear, and the sadness of what you've written.

Unfortunately I cannot separate the fact that this work would be much more powerful if more attention had been given to it's construct. It could be soooo much better if it was reworked.

------------------
Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn.
JP


moonmoon
Member
since 08-13-99
Posts 280
TX , USA


17 posted 08-14-99 12:09 AM       View Profile for moonmoon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonmoon


Beautiful poem..well written

I could feel that searing pain..

------------------
"No one was ever ruined from without;
The final ruin comes from within." Amelia E. Barr


DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


18 posted 08-14-99 02:09 PM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

I have found that raw emotion well serves my purpose behind penning a piece like this. I tried reworking and refining Miscarriage and that definitely reduced the message that I had tried to instill. Since I write to open eyes and make people aware, shock and emotional impact are the best tools to achieve that end. I write my poetry from the heart, not the head.

My heart is horrified that I understand these things well enough to write from both perspectives, but it also tells me they must be written. Thank you for hearing it's message.
Kelly
Member
since 07-03-99
Posts 153


19 posted 08-14-99 02:58 PM       View Profile for Kelly   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kelly

Great work. I can't personally relate to this vicious cycle but offer prayers for those who seem to need emotional strength to break it. I know someone who stubbornly broke the cycle of violence in his family. He is gone now and two generations later the cycle is still broken. Stubbornness can be a virtue when channelled in the right direction. Those in the cycle seem to be attracted to each other. Most women I know are very independent, strong willed and emotionally strong. None of us would ever tolerate such behavior. I hope and pray your friends have come to that realization too.
 
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